Denis Leary - 50-Year-Old Douchebags

Denis Leary: Douchebags and Donuts Season 1, Ep 101 01/16/2011 Views: 87,617

The douchebags in Denis Leary's generation have to start abiding by his "You Better Be in the Band" rule. (1:19)

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- AND BY THE WAY,THERE'S DOUCHEBAGS EVERYWHERE.

IT'S NOT JUST THE 35-YEAR-OLDS.

THERE'S PLENTY OF DOUCHEBAGSIN MY GENERATION TOO.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

I'M GONNA JUST POINTA FEW OF YOU OUT.

I GOT A NEW RULE.

IT'S CALLED"YOU BETTER BE IN A BAND" RULE.

YEAH, THIS IS IT.

IF YOU'RE 50 YEARS OLD

AND YOU GOT RECEDINGGRAY HAIRLINE

BUT YOU'VE GROWNTHAT FUCKIN' HAIR

INTO A BIG GIANT PONYTAIL

THAT'S GOING ALL THE WAYDOWN TO YOUR ASS,

YOU BETTER BE THE BASS PLAYERFOR BRYAN FUCKIN' ADAMS.

I'M TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW,'CAUSE IF I SEE YOU

AND YOU'RE NOT THE BASS PLAYERFOR BRYAN ADAMS,

I'M FUCKIN' CUTTINGTHAT PONYTAIL RIGHT OFF.

CUT THE SHIT!

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO,GROW IT BACK DOWN TO YOUR ASS,

UP THROUGH YOUR ASSAND BACK OUT OF YOUR EARS?

WHAT THE FUCK'S GOING ON?

CUT THE FUCKIN' HAIR.

IF YOU'RE 52 YEARS OLD

AND YOU GOT A GIANTGOLD HOOP EARRING IN ONE EAR,

YOU BETTER BE A FUCKIN' PIRATE.

[laughter and applause]

YOU BETTER BE A FUCKIN' PIRATE

OR JOHNNY DEPP'SFUCKIN' STUNT DOUBLE.

I'M JUST TELLING YOURIGHT NOW.

AND IF YOU'RE 52 YEARS OLDAND YOU'RE A MAN

AND YOU'RE ON FACEBOOK,DO US ALL A FAVOR.

LOG THE FUCK OFF.

NOW!

[applause]