Paul F. Tompkins: I DON'T LIKE
JAZZ MUSIC AND I DON'T LIKE IT
ON BEHALF OF YOU, THE COMMON,
STUPID PERSON.
HERE'S WHY.
HOLD ON, YOU'RE PRETTY DUMB.
HERE'S WHY.
(LAUGHTER)
BECAUSE JAZZ IS ALL ABOUT MAKING
THE COMMON MAN FEEL DUMB.
THAT'S ALL IT IS.
IT'S A BUNCH A GUYS ALL PLAYING
DIFFERENT SONGS AT THE SAME
TIME.
IT'S JUST A RACKET.
♪ (SCAT SINGING) ♪
IT'S JUST NOISE.
(LAUGHTER)
IT'S LIKE A WHOLE GENRE OF MUSIC
IS DEFYING YOU TO LIKE IT,
YOU KNOW?
WHAT'S THE MATTER, MAN?
DON'T YOU GET OUR SMART PEOPLE'S
MUSIC?
MAYBE YOU'RE TOO DUMB, DUMMY.
IT'S THE NOTES WE'RE NOT
PLAYING.
WHAT?
THIS DOESN'T EVEN MAKE ANY
SENSE.
THAT'S A TRICK.
CLEARLY IT'S A TRICK.
(APPLAUSE)
LET'S SAY YOU GO TO SEE SOME
LIVE JAZZ MUSIC.
AND IF YOU DO, I'M SORRY.
IT'S NOT MY FAULT.
BUT LET'S SAY YOU LOSE A BET
OR WHATEVER.
YOU FALL DOWN SOME STAIRS
INTO A JAZZ CLUB.
(LAUGHTER)
ALL RIGHT?
SO YOU GOT THESE GUYS ON STAGE
AND IT'S HORRIBLE.
LIKE THE STAND UP BASS PLAYER,
HE'S DOING A SOLO.
HMM.
HOORAY.
AND HE'S GOING ON AND ON.
♪ (MIMICKING PLAYING BASS) ♪
SO YOU DON'T EVEN NEED
THE THING.
♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
AND JUST AT THE POINT WHERE
YOU'RE ALMOST ASLEEP, RIGHT?
THEN YOU THINK, 'CAUSE YOU'RE
LULLED INTO THE RHYTHM,
YOU THINK THE GUYS GOING TO GO
BOW!
BUT INSTEAD HE GOES BOOOOOW.
(LAUGHTER)
AND HERE'S WHAT HAPPENS.
THIS IS THE WORST THING JAZZ
GUYS DO.
WHEN THAT HAPPENS, INSTEAD
OF GOING BOW, HE GOES BOW.
THE OTHER JAZZ GUYS ON STAGE,
THEY ALL START LAUGHING.
THEY START LAUGHING LIKE IT WAS
THE FUNNIEST THING THEY EVER DID
SEE.
OH, OH.
HA-HA-HA-HA!
AND YOU'RE IN THE AUDIENCE
SAYING; "I DON'T GET THE JAZZ
JOKE."
WHY IS THAT NOTE SO HILARIOUS?
YOU'VE PLAYED MANY NOTES THIS
EVENING.
NONE PARTICULARLY SIDE
SPLITTING.
THAT'S NOT FUNNY.
BECAUSE HUMOR, INHERENTLY,
IF SOMETHING IS INHERENTLY
FUNNY, IT'S RELATABLE AFTER
THE FACT.
ANYBODY WHO SAYS, "YOU HAD TO BE
THERE", SHOULD JUST NOT HAVE
TOLD YOU THE THING IN THE FIRST
PLACE 'CAUSE THEN IT'S NOT
FUNNY.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
I WASN'T THERE.
IF IT WAS FUNNY, I WOULDN'T HAVE
TO BE THERE.
DON'T YOU TELL ME WHERE I HAVE
TO BE, DON'T MAKE ME PUT MY BABY
DOWN.