I DON'T LIKEJAZZ MUSIC AND I DON'T LIKE IT
ON BEHALF OF YOU, THE COMMON,STUPID PERSON.
HERE'S WHY.
HOLD ON, YOU'RE PRETTY DUMB.
HERE'S WHY.
(LAUGHTER)BECAUSE JAZZ IS ALL ABOUT MAKING
THE COMMON MAN FEEL DUMB.
THAT'S ALL IT IS.
IT'S A BUNCH A GUYS ALL PLAYINGDIFFERENT SONGS AT THE SAME
TIME.
IT'S JUST A RACKET.
♪ (SCAT SINGING) IT'S JUST NOISE.
(LAUGHTER)IT'S LIKE A WHOLE GENRE OF MUSIC
IS DEFYING YOU TO LIKE IT,YOU KNOW?
WHAT'S THE MATTER, MAN?
DON'T YOU GET OUR SMART PEOPLE'SMUSIC?
MAYBE YOU'RE TOO DUMB, DUMMY.
IT'S THE NOTES WE'RE NOTPLAYING.
WHAT?
THIS DOESN'T EVEN MAKE ANYSENSE.
THAT'S A TRICK.
CLEARLY IT'S A TRICK.
(APPLAUSE)LET'S SAY YOU GO TO SEE SOME
LIVE JAZZ MUSIC.
AND IF YOU DO, I'M SORRY.
IT'S NOT MY FAULT.
BUT LET'S SAY YOU LOSE A BETOR WHATEVER.
YOU FALL DOWN SOME STAIRSINTO A JAZZ CLUB.
(LAUGHTER)ALL RIGHT?
SO YOU GOT THESE GUYS ON STAGEAND IT'S HORRIBLE.
LIKE THE STAND UP BASS PLAYER,HE'S DOING A SOLO.
HMM.
HOORAY.
AND HE'S GOING ON AND ON.
♪ (MIMICKING PLAYING BASS) SO YOU DON'T EVEN NEED
THE THING.
♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) AND JUST AT THE POINT WHERE
YOU'RE ALMOST ASLEEP, RIGHT?
THEN YOU THINK, 'CAUSE YOU'RELULLED INTO THE RHYTHM,
YOU THINK THE GUYS GOING TO GOBOW!
BUT INSTEAD HE GOES BOOOOOW.
(LAUGHTER)AND HERE'S WHAT HAPPENS.
THIS IS THE WORST THING JAZZGUYS DO.
WHEN THAT HAPPENS, INSTEADOF GOING BOW, HE GOES BOW.
THE OTHER JAZZ GUYS ON STAGE,THEY ALL START LAUGHING.
THEY START LAUGHING LIKE IT WASTHE FUNNIEST THING THEY EVER DID
SEE.
OH, OH.
HA-HA-HA-HA!
AND YOU'RE IN THE AUDIENCESAYING; "I DON'T GET THE JAZZ
JOKE."
WHY IS THAT NOTE SO HILARIOUS?
YOU'VE PLAYED MANY NOTES THISEVENING.
NONE PARTICULARLY SIDESPLITTING.
THAT'S NOT FUNNY.
BECAUSE HUMOR, INHERENTLY,IF SOMETHING IS INHERENTLY
FUNNY, IT'S RELATABLE AFTERTHE FACT.
ANYBODY WHO SAYS, "YOU HAD TO BETHERE", SHOULD JUST NOT HAVE
TOLD YOU THE THING IN THE FIRSTPLACE 'CAUSE THEN IT'S NOT
FUNNY.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)I WASN'T THERE.
IF IT WAS FUNNY, I WOULDN'T HAVETO BE THERE.
DON'T YOU TELL ME WHERE I HAVETO BE, DON'T MAKE ME PUT MY BABY
DOWN.