I used to fightwith my ex all the time.
She was mad I didn't cryduring the break-up.
She's, like, "You're not cryingduring this break-up,
but you cried during thatMagic Johnson documentary."
Maybe that should show you howout of touch with reality she is
that she thinks she's inthe same inspiration category
as the greatest point guardthat ever played the game.
That guy playedin the all-star game with HIV.
She wouldn't (bleep) me whenshe had a headache, all right?
I mean, Magic Johnson--I know we're in Boston--
but that guy's a legend.
Every-every endorsement--Converse, 7-Up.
He never got Trojan, but I thinkhe deserved to get it.
Who would have been better?
If you were on the fenceabout wearing protection,
and you saw Magic Johnson's facein the box,
you'd be, like,"We should definitely wear...
There's a commercial--you're coming out of a blackout.
You wake up next to a veryregrettable one-night stand.
You see a little pictureof Magic's face in the box.
You, like, "Oh, Magic,thanks for the assist."
That's, you know...
(laughter and applause)
'Cause it's a fun AIDS joke,that's why.
You know, it's upbeat.
I never wore a condomwith my ex-girlfriend
'cause she was on the pill.
Ambien? And, uh...
I didn't feel the need,you know?