Kevin Meaney - Mental Institution

  • Season 2 , Ep 7
  • 07/02/1999
  • Views: 5,232

Kevin Meaney talks about visiting his uncle in a mental institution. (2:28)

THEY REALLY OUTDID THEMSELVES

WITH THE DECORATIONS HERE,DIDN'T THEY?

THIS IS LIKE MY BACKYARD!

( applause )

BIG FAMILY,BIG IRISH-CATHOLIC FAMILY.

MY GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GRANDFATHER

WAS MR. POTATO HEAD.

A LOT OF THE MEANEYSWERE IN MENTAL INSTITUTIONS.

I SHOULD, UH, REALLY MENTIONTHAT YEARS AGO, THEY, UH...

ONE TIME, YOU COULD GO TO ANYMENTAL INSTITUTION IN AMERICA

AND FIND MEANEYS THERE.

ABSOLUTELY, I'M NOT LYING.

SOMETIMES, WE'D HAVETHE WHOLE FLOOR, YOU KNOW?

AND MY UNCLE EGBERT...

MY AUNT ROSE WOULD BRING USTHERE AND INTRODUCE US TO HIM.

"HERE'S YOUR UNCLE EGBERT.

HE LOOKS SO HANDSOME WITHHIS NEW LEATHER FACE MASK."

"AAH!"

IT'S GOOD TO BE BACKIN NEW YORK, THOUGH.

I WENT SHOPPING TODAY.

I GO SHOPPING

PEOPLE MISTAKE MEFOR AN EMPLOYEE.

LADIES WALK UP TO ME

"PARDON ME, SIR, WHERE DO IRETURN THE GIFTS?"

"OH, GIVE THEM TO ME.

TAKE ANYTHING YOU LIKE AND WALKRIGHT OUT THAT DOOR WITH IT."

"ARE YOU SURE?

I NEVER HEARDOF THAT POLICY BEFORE."

OLD LADIES ARE STUCK AT THE DOOR

WITH SECURITY GUARDS..."HE SAID I COULD TAKE IT.

"I'M NOT A SHOPLIFTER,IT'S HIM!

"LOOK AT HIM, LOOK AT HIS EYES.

HE'S ON THE CRACK, I KNOW IT."

ANYBODY HERE ON CRACK TONIGHT?

I WANT TO KNOW.

YOU PROBABLY ARE ON CRACK,IF YOU'RE CLAPPING.

YOU'RE CLAPPING,AND YOU'RE ON CRACK

AND PEOPLE WON'T THINK

YOU'RE ON CRACK,BECAUSE YOU'RE CLAPPING.

I KNOW YOUR GAME.

IF I WAS GROWING UP TODAY

MY PARENTS WOULD THINKI WAS ON CRACK.

THEY WOULD,BECAUSE WHEN I WAS GROWING UP

THEY ALWAYS THOUGHTI WAS ON THE POT.

"YOU'RE ON THE POT, AREN'T YOU?

"YOU'RE ON THAT POT.

"UPSTAIRS IN THE ROOMON THE POT

"WITH THE WET TOWELUNDER THE DOOR

"AND THE JIMI HENDRIX POSTERSUPSIDE-DOWN EVERYWHERE.

"WHO IS THE BLACK MAGIC WOMAN?

GOO GOO G'JOOB WHO?"

THEY USED TO TELL MEI LOOKED LIKE WAYNE NEWTON

WHEN I WAS GROWING UP.

IS THAT CHILD ABUSE?

I WANT TO KNOW.

CAN I SUE THEM NOW?

"YOU LOOK JUST LIKETHAT WAYNE NEWTON."

"I DON'T LOOK ANYTHINGLIKE WAYNE NEWTON."

"YOU DO, TOO.

GO TO YOUR ROOM AND LEARN THEWORDS TO 'DANKE SCHOEN.'"

THE WAYNE NEWTON LUNCHBOXWITH THE MICROPHONE IN IT?

I NEVER WENT TO CAMP--I WENT TO VEGAS!

MY MOTHER WOULD COMETO MY ROOM LATE AT NIGHT

PAINT A THIN MUSTACHEABOVE MY UPPER LIP.

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