Fighting Meegan's Battles

  • Season 3
  • 11/13/2013
  • Views: 211,456

Meegan's boyfriend learns that standing up for her means constantly getting his ass kicked. (4:43)

- [sighs]- [clears throat]

- CAN YOU TOTALLY CHILL OUT?- NO, I'M SO ANNOYED RIGHT NOW.

CAN YOU, LIKE, NOT TALK TO MEFOR, LIKE, A SECOND?

LIKE, THAT'D BE GREAT.THAT'D BE FINE.

THAT'D BE FINE BY ME.

WHAT?OH, MY GOD, ARE YOU SERIOUS?

THIS IS BULL[bleep].WHAT COULD POSSIBLY

BE THE PROBLEM WITH LETTINGTWO MORE PEOPLE IN?

- CHECK YOUR GIRL, BRO.

- I'M SORRY.- EXCUSE ME, WHAT DID YOU SAY?

"CHECK YOUR GIRL"? UH-UHH,IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT.

NO ONE CHECKS MEBECAUSE I'M NOT LUGGAGE.

OKAY? SO YOU CAN GO[bleep] YOURSEE-ELF.

- MEEGAN, SERIOUSLY,

TWO MORE PEOPLE ARE GONNACOME OUT IN A COUPLE OF SECONDS,

AND THEN WE CAN GO IN.

- NO!LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.

WHAT WAS IT LIKEBEING IN THE GREEN MILE?

- HE WASN'T IN THE GREEN MILE!

HE CLEARLY WASN'TIN THAT MOVIE.

- WHAT DOES TOM HANKS'S PENISFEEL LIKE?

- MEEGAN!- MOREOVER, HOW DOES IT FEEL

WHEN SWARMS OF BEESARE COMING OUT OF YOUR FACE?

- SERIOUSLY, I'M SORRY.IT'S, LIKE, HER FAVORITE MOVIE.

- DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR ME!

YEAH, THIS IS NICE,THIS IS NICE.

YOU LOOK LIKE COMMON MEETSTHE INCREDIBLE HULK.

- MEEGAN--- WHEN YOU BROUGHT

THE FRANKINCENSE TO BABY JESUS,DID THEY, LIKE...

- OH.- MAKE YOU STAND

OUTSIDE THE BARNBECAUSE YOU WERE TOO BIG,

OR DID THEY INVITE YOU INWITH ALL THE OTHER ANIMALS?

DON'T FLARE YOUR NOSTRILSAT ME,

OKAY?- HE'S--

- DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEAHOW IMPOLITE THAT IS?

- HE HASN'T MOVED HIS NOSTRILSONCE SINCE WE GOT HERE.

- I SAW THEM MOVE!- THEY DID NOT MOVE, MEEGAN.

- THEY FLARED!

- MEEGAN, THEY [bleep]DID NOT MOVE!

- YOUR NOSTRILS FLARED MORE THANA SURVIVOR FROM A BOAT ACCIDENT.

- WHAT?

- HE'S NOT EVEN LOOKING MEIN THE EYES.

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

IF YOU'RE JUST GOING TO CONTINUETO BE A LITTLE PRICK,

YOU'RE GONNA GET YOUR ASSKICKED.

- DON'T TOUCH HIM, MEE--MEEGAN.

- [scoffs]CRAZY BITCH.

- [gasps]

[squeaks]

- [sighs]

OH!

- I TOTALLY LOVE MY NAILSRIGHT NOW.

I'M SO OVER EVERYTHINGRIGHT NOW,

OVER THE FLOOR,I'M OVER THE SKY, I'M OVER YOU,

OVER THAT PUSSY BACK THERE.

YOU'RE A PUSSY!

- MEEGAN, SERIOUSLY.- WHATEVER.

- [makes kissing sounds]

- NICE LEGS, LITTLE LADY.[laughter]

- UM, EXCUSE ME?

- OH, GOD!

- HEY, WHAT DID YOU SAY?

WHAT THE [bleep]DID YOU JUST SAY?

YOU GUYS COME BACK HERE WITHYOUR LITTLE ITTY-BITTY DICKS.

- YOU BEST CONTROL YOUR LADY.

- YUP.- [gasps] EXCUSE--

"CONTROL YOUR LADY"?NO, HE DOESN'T CONTROL ME,

'CAUSE LET ME TELL YOUSOMETHING, I'M NOT A REMOTE.

- MEEGAN, BABY,CAN WE JUST LET THIS GO?

- NO, I'M TALKING TO THE PUSSIESOF ANARCHY RIGHT NOW.

- OH, BOY.- YEAH, YOU.

WHY DON'T YOU ALLGATHER YOURSELVES,

AND WHY DON'T YOU JUST GOAND FIGURE OUT A WAY

TO [bleep] ON EACH OTHER'SLEATHERY PENI.

- HEY, [bleep] YOU, BITCH!- [gasps]

- OH, NO.- [squeaks]

- [sighs]

IT'S NOT EVEN THE PLURALOF "PENIS."

[punching thud]- YEAH!

[thugs laughing]

- I'M THE QUEEN OF THE WORLD!

YES!I FEEL INVINCIBLE!

LIKE I HAVE SUPER POWERSOR SOMETHING. HA HA!

YOU HEAR THAT,ALL YOU [bleep] OF THE WORLD?

I CAN DO ANYTHING I WANT,AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME.

- BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE TOFIGHT YOUR OWN FIGHTS,

YOU CRAZY BITCH!- [gasps]

- OH, BOY.- [squeaks]

- OH, NO.

- [squeaks]

- [sighs]

UGH! OH.

- NOTHING CAN STOP ME!

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