Eugene Mirman - ChristianMingle.com

Season 1 , Ep 101 12/14/12 Views: 8,724

Eugene Mirman is Jewish and in a relationship, but -- you never know. (1:50)

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I SIGNED UP FORCHRISTIANMINGLE.COM.

[cheers and applause]

I MEAN, I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND,AND I'M JEWISH,

BUT YOU NEVER KNOW.

I THINK I WOULD THINKCHISTIANMINGLE.COM WAS FINE

IS IF WHAT IT DID WAS HELPCHRISTIANS MEET EACH OTHER.

BUT THEIR TAGLINE IS...

"FIND GOD'S MATCH FOR YOU."

SO UNLIKE ATHEISTDATING SITES,

WHICH MATCH PEOPLEBASED ON INTERESTS

AND PROXIMITY AND AGE,

THIS CUTS ALL THAT OUT.

AND THEY JUST HAVE GODHIDE A SPOUSE

ON THEIR WEBSITE FOR YOU

THAT YOU CAN FIND FOR $30

OR WHATEVER.

I DON'T KNOWIF YOU'RE ALLOWED TO DO THAT.

CAN YOU CLAIM THAT YOUR BUSINESSIS POWERED BY GOD?

LIKE, CAN I OPENA BARBERSHOP AND BE LIKE,

"GET THE CHOSEN HAIRCUT."

AND THEN CUT PEOPLE'S HAIRALL WEIRD AND BE LIKE,

"SORRY YOU LOOK LIKE YOU FELLIN A PILE OF ANGRY SCISSORS.

IT'S WHAT GOD WANTED."

BUT I, UH--I DID SIGN UP.

I GOT KICKED OFF RIGHT AWAY.

'CAUSE THEY TELL YOUDON'T USE YOUR REAL NAME,

USE A SCREEN NAME.

AND I WAS LIKE,"OKAY, PRINCESS THUNDER BALLS."

APPARENTLY HE'S NOT ALLOWEDTO FIND LOVE.

BUT I DID GET TO FILL OUTTHE PART THAT SAYS,

"DESCRIBE YOURSELFAND YOUR PERSONALITY."

AND I WROTE, "I LOVE DANGER.I ALSO LOVE SAFETY.

"AS A RESULT,I'M VERY COMPLICATED.

"MY FAVORITE FOOD IS FEAR,

"AND I WANT TO MARRYAN OLD WOMAN.

"THOUGH I THINK IT'S WRONG

"TO HAVE SEXBEFORE YOU'RE MARRIED,

"I THINK IF I'M ASLEEP,YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU LIKE...

AND VICE VERSA."

[laughter and applause]

THANK YOU.

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