Chris Porter - Condoms

  • Season 1 , Ep 0106
  • 08/24/2006
  • Views: 17,413

Buying condoms at Costco is a proud moment. (2:37)

I don't need that many.

That's just a proud momentwalking up to the register.

"Could you write that up?

"I got places to be, okay?Thank you.

Pimpin' ain't easy.It's time-consuming."

Costco's messed up, man.

They sell caskets... at Costco.

They sell cask...

What the hell did Grandpado to you?

You're buying his casketat Costco?

Everyone shops at Costco.

They're going to knowyou bought Grandpa a "Cosket."

And it's Costco--

you're going to have buy 'emin a two-pack.

That's where they get ya.

What are you gonna dowith the second Cosket--

taunt the kids with it?

"Clean your room,you son of a bitch,

or it's back in the boxwith you."

There's too many differentkinds of condoms now.

It's ridiculous.

There used to be rack.Now it's a whole wall.

You know, there should only betwo kinds:

it should be lubricatedand non-lubricated.

That should be the end of it.

I don't even knowwho the hell's buying

a non-lubricated condom.

It's like locking your brakes upon the freeway.

( laughter )

Brings a whole new meaningto burning rubber.

They got colors and scents now.

Who cares what colora condom is?

"Hey, it's blue.Now it's not.

"Hey, it's blue. Now it's not.

"Whoo-hoo!

"Sex is so much more fun nowwith the colors.

"Before, this was all boringand tedious.

Now it's an adventurethrough the rainbow."

And scents?

What the hell are you smellinga condom for, ladies?

If we got a condom on, get yournose away from it, okay?

Time is of the essence.

The boy is suffocating.

But y'all start askingquestions, don't you, ladies?

"Why is he all soft?"

Well, he ran out of air,Miss Talkie.

( laughter )

Let's put a bag over your headand see how long you stay alert.

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