Jake Johannsen - Airport Escort

Lynch, Henson, Taylor Season 2, Ep 0213 05/20/1993 Views: 2,954

Once Jake gets off the plane, he's like a puppy waiting at the animal shelter. (1:27)

Every day they pickedme up and bring

me down here for the shows.

And it's nice to get picked up.

Mostly I fly places,and there's always

supposed to be somebodypick me up to the airport.

And half the time,they're not there.

I end up standing aroundlike, you know when kids go

somewhere, like to visittheir grandparents,

they have that big tag on.

So I'm at the airport all--

And the thing is, theyknow what I look like.

But I've no ideawhat they look like.

So I end up making eye contactwith everybody in the airport.

And not, it's not justlike Hi, how are ya?

It's that scared,you know, please,

can you take me with you?

I'm like a puppy waiting atthe animal shelter, you know?

And not only does thismake me seem like a maniac,

but I meet a lot ofmaniacs that way, you know.

We know how those guys are.

Where you make eyecontact with them and then

they lock on and comeright over to you.

I know you know about them.

They're after me.

You think I'mdirty, but I'm not.

I'm clean as yourbaby brother's bottom

after mommy makes wipey wipey.

You know, I'm like,I guessing you

don't work for the Funny Bone.

I'll show you my funny bone.

Hey, that's not your funny bone.

And it just makes me acandidate for abduction.

You know, because ifanybody looks slightly sane

and seems to know who I am, I'llget right in the car with them.

The next thing you know, itrubs the lotion on its body!

Hey, what time doesthe second show start?

Rub the lotion onyour damn body!

But uh, you know, our ourfirst act rubs the lotion