Christopher Titus - Unintentional Jokes

Christopher Titus: Neverlution Season 1, Ep 0101 07/03/2011 Views: 40,505

Christopher Titus has noticed that everyone from President Obama to lawsuit-obsessed white people to pro-lifers have turned themselves into jokes. (2:00)

HE WINS A NOBEL PEACE PRIZE

AND GIVES A SPEECH ON WHYWE NEED TO STAY AT WAR.

I JUST KEPT WAITING FOR HIM TORIP HIS FACE OFF--

[blows raspberries]"IT'S DICK CHENEY!

HA-HA-HA-HA!

YOU WILL NEVER GET RID OF ME!

I'M A HIGHLANDER.

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE."

THAT WAS THE NEWSPAPER HEADLINETHE NEXT DAY.

"OBAMA WINS PEACE PRIZE,GIVES SPEECH ON WHY WE NEED

TO STAY AT WAR."

AND I THOUGHT, "WOW.

THAT'S IN JOKE FORM.

I DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHINGWITH THAT."

THE NEWSPAPER'S GETTING CRAZIER,MAN.

JUST PICK IT UP.

11 MONTHS AGO, HERE'S AHEADLINE.

"WHITE GROUP IN PENNSYLVANIASUES INDIAN TRIBE FOR RUINING

THE LAND."

DO YOU KNOW HOW BIG YOUR SACHAS TO BE AS A WHITE GUY

TO SUE SOME INDIANS FOR RUININGTHE LAND?

ALL 23 INDIANS THAT ARE LEFTWERE PISSED, MAN.

THEY WERE LIKE, "OH, THIS ISIRONIC.

YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY NOT A STUDENTOF HISTORY.

AND IN THAT SPIRIT, ACCEPT THESEBLANKETS AS OUR GIFT.

THAT'S RIGHT."

[cheers and applause]MY FAVORITE UNINTENTIONAL

JOKE HEADLINE OF THE LASTDECADE, AND THIS ONE, YOU KNOW,

HAD TO BE WRITTEN BY A COMIC'CAUSE IT'S SO SHORT AND IT'S

GOT THE HARD RIGHT TURN IN IT.

READY?

[clears throat]"PRO-LIFER

SHOOTS AND KILLS A MAN."

LET ME SAY IT AGAIN.

"PRO-LIFER SHOOTS AND KILLSA MAN...IN CHURCH."

SO HE WAS A DEVOUT MURDERER.

THE GUY SAID HE SHOT THE GUYIN THE CHURCH BECAUSE THE GUY

WAS A LATE-TERM ABORTIONIST.

IS THAT A GOOD ENOUGH REASONTO KILL SOMEBODY?

I MEAN, 'CAUSE TEXAS HADLATE-TERM ABORTIONS FOR A LONG

TIME.

THEY JUST CALLED IT DEATHPENALTY.