You know what my worstfear is with, like,
men and meetingthe right person?
I'm afraid that, like...
You know in the movies, whenevera woman'll finally leave
some animal that's beenabusing her? They always
have her end up with a soft,bearded theater teacher.
I think that'smy worst fear in life.
That I'm just gonnaget real tired.
I'll end up with some guythat wears
a lot of corduroyand mock turtlenecks.
And, like,a lot of beaded jewelry.
There... There's nothingthat grosses me out more
than a man with a necklace on
with some sort of a storybehind it.
No one wants to see your amulet
and hear aboutthe strength it gives you.
I'm afraid of ending up
with just some bearded mannamed Richard.
He just speaks in, like,a therapist's whisper, like,
(softspoken man's voice):"Hi, my name's Richard.
"I don't like to be called Rick.
I prefer Richard."
I feel like Richard wouldn'teven have a man's body.
He'd just take off his clothes,
and there'd be, like,a calming smear
that I'm forcedto have sex with.
Richard would have the bodyof a melting candle.
And he would do the oppositeof talking dirty.
I feel like Richard wouldjust interrupt sex
to touch base a lot.
You'd be in the middle of sexand he would just stop like,
"Hey, there. Hey.
"How's it feelingover there, huh?
"Just wanted to seehow everything was going
"over there in your court, huh?
"Thought maybe we couldstop here and process
"what's happened so far.
"Take a little break,
"and-and have some soup.
Would you like that?"