Moshe Kasher - French Clown

The One with the Childhood Crushes Season 1, Ep 1 07/24/2014 Views: 8,140

Before Moshe Kasher can start his set, he gets interrupted by some audience requests. (3:53)

I more mean like--Where do yousecretly want to go?

When I see a person that'susing-- like a Maria Bamford.

Well, that's so out of--in the ether, it's hard to--

When I go, "Oh, man,I wish I could do that."

It's like, well, I'm sureeverybody wishes they coulddo everything...

that they're lookingand aren't doing.Yeah, and yeah.

Yeah, I wish I could beRory Scovel and likedo a bong rip and kill...

harder than anyone in the world,and do a different setevery night.

Well, I don't knowif Rory Scovel kills harderthan anyone in the world.

I do pretty well.

That's amazing,I'm the best looking comic.

I think I'm the best lookingcomic, not of all, buttonight or whatever.

How do you think I look?Do you think I look--

What do you think?What do you think?

You like the look?I feel like I look good.

MAN (O.S.):Clown.


MAN (O.S.):You look like a clown.

All right.

No, I think you're pretty good,but I just-- you look likea French clown.

Doesn't he look likea French clown? Look,take off your glasses.

Take off those glasses.

Dude, I don't want to do--I'm trying to do a TV set.

Look, you should be doing mimeor something, not comedy.

Take off the glasses.Your glasses.

French clown, you looklike a French clown.

Doesn't he look--French clown.

Do some mime for us.Do some mime.

Please, do some mime.I'm not-- I don't--

Imagine there's a bananain front of you.You're holding a banana.

All right, hol--

Hold up a banana in frontof you, in front of yourface, a banana.

Actually I don't-- I don't--I don't know how to do--

I don't thinkI want to do this.Hold the banana in front of you.

No, I really, like,don't want to do--

There's a bananain front of you.I don't want to-- no.

Okay, imagine there'sa penis in front of you.

Okay, yeah. Okay.

All right, like, okay, what areyou gonna do with this bananapenis situation?

All right, okay, you'restroking the banana penis.

All right, I get it.He's stroking the banana.

All right, you're peeling thebanana foreskin off the banana.

Okay, what are you gonna do--okay, you've got a bana--

And he eats it, he ate it,everybody. He ate the banana.

He ate the banana.

That's perfect, that's thatFrench clown magic right there.

Do another one.

Okay, he steps up to the plate,he's-- okay, no--

He's gettin' the signalfrom the-- the something.

Oh, he's pitching the ball.He's pitching it.

All right, it's coming.

All right, he hits the ball,it's a home run.

It's coming back, he catchesthe ball, he eats it.

He ate it.He ate the ball.

He ate the baseball.

This is the best. All right,another one. Here we go.

Now you want to do it.All right, good.

All right, he's going fishing.He's fishing.

He's sitting there,he's waiting for that big one.

Oh, he's caught something.You got that great white!

You gotta pull it in.You got-- okay, pull it in.

Pull it in, all right,those are reins.

They're reins to a horse.He's pulling.

All right,the horse is sinking.

Artax, Artax, you're sinking.

You have to fight the sadness!Artax, please!

These hands--

They look like big,strong hands, don't they?

Wait a second.Better save some for later.

We've got a long way to go...

but it was the only waywe can get in touchwith an earthling child.

But what if he doesn'tknow what he has to do?

What do I have to do?He has to give me a new name.

He's already chosen it.He just has to call it out.

It's not real,it's only a story.

It's not real.Bastian, say my name!

I can't! I can't! I haveto keep my feet on the ground!

Bastian, please! Save us!

Okay, I will!I will do what I dream!


Moon Child.

And all that remains.

A Fantasia... and he eats it!

He ate it, everybody!He ate it!