Tommy Johnagin - Kama Sutra

  • Season 13 , Ep 7
  • 01/11/2009
  • Views: 19,435

Tommy bought a Kama Sutra book to use as a catalog. (2:46)

DOES WANT TO HAVE BABIES.

WE'RE NOT DOING MUCH OF THE, UH,

THING THAT YOU DOTO MAKE BABIES RIGHT NOW.

SHE JUST HAD SURGERY. SHE HADHER FALLOPIAN TUBES CLEANED OUT.

NOBODY LIKES A DIRTY TUBE,APPARENTLY.

AND I DON'T KNOW.

I THOUGHT IT WAS LIKEA 15,000-MILE MAINTENANCE

THAT YOU DO,BUT APPARENTLY, IT'S SERIOUS.

AND SHE HAD THIS SURGERY,

AND THEY PUT HER ON THISMEDICINE FOR LIKE 6 TO 9 MONTHS.

AND THE MEDICINE --HERE'S THE SIDE EFFECTS --

MOOD SWINGS AND NO SEX DRIVE.

GUESS WHO WASN'T ON THE BOARDTHAT APPROVED THAT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

JESUS.

WE HAD SEX ONCE IN APRIL.

THAT'S NOT EVEN THE SHORT MONTH.

WE DID IT ONCE, AND I TOLD HER,

"CAN YOU BELIEVEWE ONLY DID IT ONE TIME?"

AND SHE GOES, "I DIDN'T KNOWYOU WERE GONNA KEEP TRACK."

I GO, "IT'S ONE.

I DIDN'T DO IT ON PURPOSE."

YOU DON'T KEEP TRACK OF ONE.IT JUST HAPPENS.

NO ONE'S EVER BEEN LIKE, "HOWMANY VIETNAM WARS WERE THERE?"

AND SOMEONE'S LIKE,"I DON'T EVEN KEEP TRACK."

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

THAT'S FUNNY.

SO, I WENT OUT, AND I DECIDED

I'M GONNA SAVE THE SINKING SHIPTHAT IS OUR LOVE LIFE,

AND I BOUGHTA "KAMA SUTRA" BOOK.

IT'S A VERY SENSUAL BOOKABOUT THE ART OF LOVEMAKING.

I JUST BOUGHT IT BECAUSEIT HAD A LOT OF PICTURES,

AND I THOUGHT WE COULD EACHPICK A PICTURE, LIKE A CATALOG.

LIKE, "I'LL HAVE THAT ONE --BACKWARDS."

Man: WHOO!YEAH.

BE GOOD.

AND WE EACH PICK OUR ONETHAT WE WANT TO DO.

AND LATER ON THAT NIGHT,WE'RE IN THE THROES OF PASSION.

AND SHE GOES, "LET'S TRY MINE."

AND I WAS LIKE,"WHY? WE'RE ALREADY HERE."

I'M WINNING. WHY WOULD I STOP?AND THEN WE GO TO TRY HERS.

AND THIS IS HERS,WITHOUT BEING TOO DETAILED.

HERS IS, WE'RE SITTING,NAKED, VERTICAL --

WE'RE SITTINGFACING EACH OTHER, LIKE THAT.

AND IF YOU FACTOR IN ANATOMY...

I'M NORTH.

SHE'S SOUTHWEST.

IT'S A DIFFICULT ANGLE TO HIT.

YOU HAVE TO JUST SIT DOWN

AND THEN SCOOCHCLOSER TO EACH OTHER.

[ LAUGHTER,CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

SO, BASICALLY,IF YOU'RE GONNA TRY IT,

YOU SIT DOWN,YOU SCOOT YOUR BUTT,

AND THEN YOU'RE JUST LIKE,"ARE YOU HAVING SEX?"

[ LAUGHTER ]

THAT'S WHY IT'S A STILL PHOTOIN THE MAGAZINE,

'CAUSE THERE'S NOTHINGYOU CAN DO ONCE YOU GET THERE.

IT'S JUST LIKE, "GOOD ONE."

YOU JUST SHAKE HER A LITTLE BIT.

SO, THE MAGAZINE --THE BOOK DIDN'T HELP.

BUT LUCKILY,SHE WANTS TO HAVE KIDS, SO...

SHE'LL BE BACK.

I'VE GOT SOMETHING SHE NEEDS.

MILLIONS OF 'EM.

[ CHUCKLES ]

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