Jeff Cesario - The Good China

  • Season 9 , Ep 8
  • 03/24/2005
  • Views: 3,010

As long as the plate doesn't have a hole in it, it's good china. (1:38)

Jeff Cesario: I HAD TO HELP

MY WIFE PICK OUT THE GOOD CHINA.

YOU KNOW THAT CHINA PATTERN

CRAP THING THAT IS.

[LAUGHTER]

"WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS

PLATE?

HOW 'BOUT THIS PLATE?

HOW 'BOUT THIS PLATE?

YOU THINKING ABOUT THIS PLATE?

"I DON'T KNOW, DOES IT HAVE

A HOLE IN IT?"

"NO."

"IT'S A GREAT PLATE!"

[LAUGHTER]

WHAT A RACKET THAT IS,

"THE GOOD CHINA."

ANYBODY HERE EVEN USE THE GOOD

CHINA?

NO.

I LIVE IN LOS ANGELES.

THE ONLY TIME I'M EVEN GONNA SEE

THE GOOD CHINA IS DURING THE

EARTHQUAKE WHEN IT'S FLYING OUT

OF ITS TOP SECRET HIDING PLACE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

MY WIFE IS A SNOOZE ALARM

PERSON.

I AM A NON-SNOOZE ALARM PERSON.

THIS MEANS WHEN MY ALARM

GOES OFF, I TURN IT OFF

AND I GET THE HELL UP.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND WHEN HER ALARM GOES OFF

SHE ROLLS OVER AND BANGS IT

50 OR 60 TIMES.

AND I'D LIKE TO SMOTHER HER

WITH A PILLOW.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

HOW DO YOU EVEN DO THAT--

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING,

SNOOZE ALARM PEOPLE?

HOW DO YOU EVEN-- HOW DO YOU--

IF YOU HAVE TO GET UP AT 9:00,

WHAT DO YOU DO?

BACK TIME TO 7:23?

AND THEN JUST PUNCH IT

EVERY SEVEN MINUTES GETTING

HORRIBLE SLEEP WHILE I'M UP

DOING THE FREAKING TAXES NOW?

[LAUGHTER]

MY WIFE'S HIT IT SO OFTEN

IT DOESN'T EVEN SAY "SNOOZE"

ANYMORE.

IT JUST SAYS "OOZE" ON IT.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

MY WIFE GOT HER EYEBROWS DONE

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