Mario Cantone - Food Network

  • Season 2 , Ep 9
  • 07/16/1999
  • Views: 4,024

These days, Julia Child watches other people cook. (2:02)

IT'S A KITCHEN.

YEAH!

♪ 'CAUSE I'M COOKING

♪ I'M COOKING, BA!

YEAH, IT'S A KITCHEN.

I'M OBSESSEDWITH THE FOOD NETWORK

SO THAT'S WHY I HAD A KITCHEN.

'CAUSE EMERIL LEGASSE...I'M OBSESSED WITH HIM.

THE GUYS WITH THE EYEBROWS,THAT'S ON ALL THE TIME?

BAM! DON'T GO AWAY!

I'LL BE RIGHT BACKRIGHT AFTER THIS

WITH SOME CRAWFISH ETOUFFEE!

HAVE A BEER!

LET'S KICK IT UP A NOTCH.

( sniffs )

YEAH!

AND YOU CAN'T LEARNTO COOK FROM HIM.

HE NEVER MEASURES.

IT'S LIKE,GRAB A LITTLE ESTIMATE.

THERE'S NO MEASURE.

I WANT TO PUT MY FECES,SOME URINE, MY EYEBROWS

BAM! BAM! DON'T GO AWAY!

LET'S KICK IT UP A NOTCHWITH SOME CRAWFISH ETOUFFEE!

HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY!

WHAT'S THE MESSAGE?

BAM! WHAT IS IN YOUR ESSENCE?

THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO KNOW.

HE DOESN'T TELL YOU.

"WHAT IS IT?"

IT'S ANGEL DUST.

I LIKE THE CLASSIC JULIA CHILDS,TOO.

( mimicking Childs ):THIS IS A LOVELY...

THIS IS WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO.

WE'RE GOINGTO DO A LOVELY LOBSTER

THAT'S WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO.

AND WE'RE GOING TO TAKETHE LOBSTER

AND PUT IT INTO A POT

AND WE'RE GOING TO JUSTSMOTHER IT IN TOMATO SAUCE

TILL THEY SCREAM TO DEATH

WITH KILLING AND MURDERINGTHE LITTLE LOBSTERS

AND THEN I'M GOING TO HOVERMY LARGE BREASTS OVER THEM.

AND SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF THEMAND BON APPETIT.

OKAY, WAIT.HAVE YOU SEEN HER LATELY?

NO, LATELY, SHE'S 99.

SHE'S STILL GOING.

HER NECK IS COMING OUTOF HER BREASTS

AND SHE DOESN'T COOK ANYMORE.

SHE JUST LEANS ON THE...AND WATCHES OTHERS.

THAT'S LOVELY.THAT LOOKS LIKE ( bleep ) TO ME.

THAT'S TERRIBLE.

I WOULDN'T...

GET ME TO THE...

I THINK I'M GOINGTO GO TO THE BELL TOWER NOW

AND RING THE BELL.

BONG! BONG!

SANCTUARY, SANCTUARY.

OH, MY GOD.

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