Gary Gulman - Living at Home

Hahn, Gulman, Kahaney, Regular Joe's Season 3, Ep 0304 02/01/2000 Views: 10,489

Gary's mom saves his life with her mimed brake. (3:04)

YOU'RE PUTTING MEIN A GOOD MOOD.

I HAD KIND OF A ROUGH DAY.

I WAS OVER AT MY PARENT'S HOUSEALL DAY

'CAUSE... I LIVE THERE.

( laughter )

GOD, I WISH THAT WAS A JOKE.

YEAH, A LITTLE RULE OF THUMB--

I'M 26,AND, IF YOU ARE 26 YEARS OLD

AND YOU'RE WAKING UPUNDER STAR WARS SHEETS

THE FORCE IS NOT WITH YOU.

NO SIREE, YODA.

I MEAN, I LOVE MY MOM.

SHE'S WONDERFUL,BUT SHE CAN BE SO ANNOYING.

LIKE, YOU EVER DRIVEWITH YOUR MOM AS AN ADULT?

I WOULD RATHER PICK UPAN ESCAPED CONVICT.

AT LEAST THEY'RE SATISFIED,YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

MY MOM, SHE DOESN'T REALLY SAYANYTHING OUT LOUD.

SHE JUST MAKES THAT NOISETHAT MOMS MAKE

WHEN THEY THINKTHEY'RE ABOUT TO CRASH

WHICH IS ROUGHLYEVERY TEN SECONDS.

YOU KNOW THAT NOISE--

( gasping )

I JUST WANT TO VEERINTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC.

I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHINGTO ( gasps ) ABOUT, LADY.

THEN SHE STARTS... SHE STARTSGRABBING THAT HANDLE--

THE WE'RE-ALL-GOING-TO-DIEHANDLE.

WHAT IS THAT THINGEVEN THERE FOR?

IN CASE YOU WANT TO TURNYOUR CAR INTO A SUBWAY

AT SOME POINT?

HAVE A LITTLE BABY DOINGCHIN-UPS ON IT?

AND SHE STARTS PRESSINGON HER BRAKE--

THE FAKE BRAKE, RIGHT?

OH, YEAH, MOM, THAT WAS HELPFUL.

YEAH, WE ALMOST CRASHED,BUT YOU MIMED BRAKING.

THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE SO TALENTED.

I HAVE A DAD.ANYBODY ELSE HAVE A DAD?

I, UH... MY DAD

IS NOT LIKE YOUR DAD.

MY DAD IS 76 YEARS OLD.

( applause )

THAT IS... YOU DON'T HAVETO LIVE WITH HIM.

THAT'S WHY YOU'RE CLAPPING.

I WAS BORN WHEN HE WAS 50.

I WAS LIKE,"WHAT ARE YOU, ABRAHAM?"

( laughter )

ALL RIGHT? THAT'S BIBLICAL.

DON'T GET ME WRONG,I LOVE MY DAD.

WE LOVE OUR DADS, BUT IT'S WEIRDGROWING UP WITH A DAD

THAT MUCH OLDER THAN YOU.

LITTLE THINGS ARE WEIRD.

WE'D GO TO THE MOVIES--WE WERE BOTH GETTING DISCOUNTS.

( laughter )

YEAH, ONE CHILD,AND NOAH HERE'S

GOING TO USE HISSILVER SAVINGS CARD

IF THAT'S ALL RIGHT WITH YOU.

I REMEMBER IN THIRD GRADE,I HAD MRS. CARVINO.

ANYBODY ELSE?

I, UH...

SHE TOLD US TO GO HOMEAND ASK OUR FATHER

WHO WAS PRESIDENTWHEN HE WAS OUR AGE

WHAT WAS THE PRICE OF BREAD.

PRESIDENT, PRICE OF BREAD--

AN INTERESTING LITTLESOCIOECONOMIC EXPERIMENT

FOR EVERYONE BUT ME,ALL RIGHT?

FOR ME IT WAS

THE MOST HUMILIATING EXPERIENCEOF MY LIFE

'CAUSE ALL THE OTHER KIDS HADNORMAL PRESIDENTS...

THE PRESIDENT WAS J.F.K.,THE PRESIDENT WAS EISENHOWER...

THEY GOT TO ME--THE PRESIDENT WAS JULIUS CAESAR

AND THE PRICE OF BREADWAS A CHICKEN.

( laughter )

I SAW MY OLDER BROTHERAT THE HOUSE TODAY.

HE'S SO SUCCESSFUL NOW.

HE'S VERY WEALTHY NOW'CAUSE HE'S GOT

ONE OF THOSE... JOBS.

HE GOES EVERY DAY.

IT'S LIKE HE'S OBSESSED.

SERIOUSLY, EVEN ON MONDAYS...

WHATEVER, YOU KNOW?

YOU KNOW HOW YOU CAN TELLIF SOMEBODY'S RICH LIKE MY...?

HE DOESN'T CALL HIS CARJUST THE CAR.

HE'S GOT TO CALL ITBY THE NAME OF THE CAR.

YOU KNOW PEOPLE LIKE THAT?

YEAH, THE BEEMERWAS IN THE SHOP, SO...

HAD TO TAKE THE BENZ.

IT'S SO OBNOXIOUS, SO IALWAYS TRY TO COMPETE WITH HIM.

LIKE, YEAH, MAN,I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

THE OTHER DAY THE GEO...

WAS OUT OF GAS,SO I HAD TO TAKE THE BUS.

THANKS VERY MUCH, EVERYONE.