Kristen Schaal - List of Goals

  • Season 1 , Ep 0102
  • 07/27/2006
  • Views: 18,219

Kristen Schaal goes over her list of goals. (2:42)

I was just going to write out

a list of goals to help me

get past whatever'sgoing on up here.

And the first goal that I wrote

was just to go aheadand let myself fall in love.

With a prisoner.

Of war.

And that's directly coming from

a dream I hada couple nights ago.

I was escorting a prisonerof war across some land mines,

and we were quarantined

by the Vietcongin an abandoned warehouse.

And they weredoing things with bamboo

that I did not think possible.

Oh, my God.

I was so mad when I woke up.

So mad.

Um...

Another goal that I have

is to learn how to playthe ukulele.

Be fun.

And to stop takingmy clothes off for money.

But I need money.

That is a ridiculous goal.

That's...

Gonna cross that one off.

Stupid.

Another goal I have isto put a stop to some rumors

that have beengoing around about me.

I was in the ladies' roomearlier tonight,

and I was in the stall.

I can hear, okay?

And some womenwere talking about

how I put out, okay?

And that's just not the case.

I don't put out.

Unless I'm askedvery, very politely.

And that's not putting out;that's just giving in.

Yeah.

Thank you. Thank you.

There's a difference.There's a difference.

A fourth goal that I have--

and this is very ambitious,but I don't care--

I'm just gonna go aheadand find Amelia Earhart,

whatever it takes.

Every day that goes by,I just fear the worst for her.

And I have written

several letters to George Bush.

But I'm gonna tell everyonesomething right now--

he does not givean ( bleep ) about her, okay?

Or black people.

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