I find a little bit sad.
A little while ago--I'm not making this up--
Mattel came out with a friendfor Barbie; her name was Midge.
She was a pregnant doll.
She had a ring on her fingerand husband, Alan.
It was this nice littlefamily unit.
There was such an outrageover this pregnant doll
that Wal-Mart hadto pull it off the shelves
and Mattel discontinued it.
'Cause you know whenyou have a little daughter
you don't want her to grow upthinking one day
she's going to get marriedand pregnant and have a family.
You want her to be like Barbie,
the bleach-blond whorewith the 38-double-Ds,
whoring aroundin the pink Corvette
having bisexual orgies at thebeach house with Ken the eunuch.
That's what you wantfor your kids, right?
( laughter and applause )
Yeah, I have theselong conversations
with my buddy, Dick,over stuff like that.
He's a cool guy,but he's a pothead.
I can't hang out with him.
He's just way too involvedwith all that stuff;
he smokes all day;he's wearing hemp clothes.
I like beer; I'm not intoa barley sweater.
Can you get on with your life,for God's sakes?
One of the things,he likes to come over...
he brings movies overand we hang out and then...
I can't watch movieswith him anymore.
He's one of these guys.
He can't just enjoy the moviefor what it is.
He has to pick apart everylittle thing that's in it.
One of the movies we werewatching was Finding Nemo.
Did you watch it?It's a cute movie.
But he took a course in marinebiology like eight years ago,
and he starts telling meeverything that's wrong with it.
He's like, "Well, you know,
"when they're showingthe turtles go down that flow,
"it's not reallythe way it happens,
and sharks of those speciesdon't really congregate..."
I'm like, "You knowwhat else is inaccurate?
"Fish don't talk, Dick.
Shut up and let mewatch the movie!"