RodMan - Church Offering

  • Season 10 , Ep 4
  • 02/23/2006
  • Views: 15,623

RodMan waited for change from his church offering. (2:37)

YOU KNOW, I LIKE TO TRY TO GO TO CHURCH NOW, YOU KNOW.

BUT CHURCH IS LIKE GOIN' TO A CONCERT.

YOU KNOW, IT AIN'T-- YEAH, LIKE IT USED TO BE.

YOU KNOW THEY GOT IT ON TV. AND THEY BE LIKE IN ARENAS.

YOU KNOW, IT'S SOLD OUT.THEY GOT RATING'S.

YOU BE LIKE, "I DON'T THINK WE IN THE GOOD RATING'S.

WE AIN'T GETTING GOOD RATINGS,

SO I CAN'TCOME BACK HERE AT ALL."

YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE I WENTTO CHURCH ONE SUNDAY

AT LIKE ONE OF THEM LITTLE MEGA CHURCHES.

IT WAS KINDA LIKE THIS. AND THEY HAD THE BIG BUCKETS

WHERE THEY WERE COLLECTIN' MONEY.

AND THE PREACHER BE LIKE"GOD HAS PUT ON MY HEART

THAT PEOPLE ARE GONNA BRING DOWN $10,000 CHECKS."

AND I WAS LIKE, "WHOA, THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN."

BUT EVIDENTLY,GOD PUT IT ON HIS HEART.

SO PEOPLE START RUNNIN' DOWN THE AISLE WITH $10,000 CHECKS.

AND HE WAS LIKE, "GOD PUT ON MY HEART

THAT PEOPLE ARE GONNA BRING $10,000 CHECKS TO AISLES."

AND PEOPLE STARTED RUNNIN' WITH $10,000 CHECKS. AND HE STOPPED AT $100,

AND I WAS STILL JUST SITTIN' IN MY SEAT.

YOU KNOW I BE LIKE, "WELL, HEY PASTOR,

DID GOD PUT A DOLLAR ON YOUR HEART, 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT'S ON MY HEART."

SO EVIDENTLY THIS IS NOT THE CHURCH FOR ME AT ALL, YOU KNOW.

'CAUSE YOU DO, YOU GOTTA LEARN THIS STUFF.

LIKE I WENT TO CHURCH ONE TIME, THEY HAVE A $10, YOU KNOW.

AND I TRY TO EXPLAIN TO THE MAN WHEN HE CAME AROUND

DOIN' HIS LITTLE OFFERIN' THING, I BE LIKE,

"I AIN'T GOT BUT $10. AND I'M GONNA PUT A DOLLAR IN,

AND I'M GONNA NEED MY $9 CHANGE."

AND HE WAS LIKE, "OKAY, COOL, MY BROTHER."

SO THE PREACHER WAS THERE PREACHIN'

AND HE HAD WENT AWAY WITH THE LITTLE OFFERIN' PLATE.

AND I WAS STILL SITTIN' THERE AND I WAS COOL.

BUT THEN THE PREACHER SAID SOMETHIN' THAT THREW ME.

HE WAS LIKE, "IF OUR MIND'S CLEAR WE CAN ADJOURN."

AND I WAS LIKE, "WHOA.WE CAN'T ADJOURN WITH MY MONEY,"

YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT HIM TO LEAVE LIKE THAT.

SO I'M STILL SITTIN' THERE,AND I WAS COOL.

MY MAMA LOOKED AT ME AND SAID "DON'T YOU SAY NOTHIN'."

I SAID,"I GOTTA SAY SOMETHIN'.

I CAN'T JUST LET HIM LEAVE WITH MY MONEY."

SO I FELT THE SPIRITCOME OVER ME, YOU KNOW?

SO I STOOD UP AND TESTIFIED. I JUST JUMPED OUT OF MY SEAT.

I WAS LIKE, "A-MAN!" AND THE PREACHER SAID,

"SAY IT, YOUNG BROTHER, SAY IT!" I SAID, "A-MAN!"

THE PREACHER SAID, "SAY IT, YOUNG BROTHER, SAY IT."

I SAY, "A-MAN. WHERE THE HELL MY CHANGE AT?"

HE BE LIKE, "YOUNG MAN, YOU GOIN' TO HELL FOR THAT."

I SAID, "WELL, I AIN'T GOIN' BROKE, PASTOR. I AIN'T GOIN' BROKE."

HEY, I APPRECIATE Y'ALL, MAN. OUT OF TIME.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH. APPRECIATE IT. THANK YOU.

[CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

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