Liza Treyger - Finding a Husband

  • Season 1 , Ep 2
  • 10/31/2013
  • Views: 1,336

Liza Treyger is mystified by the women she knows who have found significant others. (2:07)

WAS, HE WAS LIKE,"HEY, CAN YOU PLEASE

START WEARING DEODORANT?"

AND...

I WAS LIKE,"IT GIVES YOU BREAST CANCER.

BUT YOU ARE CUTE.OKAY."

SO I STARTED WEARINGDEODORANT,

AND IT WAS GOING GREAT.I LIKED IT.

AND THEN I WENTTO MY FAVORITE PLACE ON EARTH,

T.J.MAXX,AND I WAS SHOPPING.

I WAS LOOKINGAT A PICTURE FRAME,

AND I LOOKED,AND I SAW A WOMAN

TAKING A SHITON THE FLOOR.

AND SO I'M, LIKE,WATCHING THIS WOMAN

SHITTING ON A FLOOR,

AND I REALIZED THAT SHE HADA WEDDING RING ON,

AND I'M LIKE, WHAT THE HELL?THAT IS CRAZY! THAT'S CRA--

IF THIS WOMAN TAKING A SHITON A FLOOR FOUND A HUSBAND,

THERE IS NO WAYI'M EVER WEARING DEODORANT,

EVER!

'CAUSE SHE SMELLSLIKE SHIT,

AND SHE HAS A HUSBAND!

LIKE, WHAT--I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

AND ONCE I WORKEDWITH A GIRL,

AND SHE ONLY HADONE THUMB.

ONE THUMB,AND SHE HAD A BOYFRIEND.

THAT'S CRAZY.

THAT'S CRAZY,AND I HATED HER,

'CAUSE WE WERE WAITRESSES,

AND SHE WOULD DROP DRINKSALL THE TIME.

SO I INVITED HER TO MY HOUSETO SMOKE OUT OF A BONG

'CAUSE I KNEWSHE COULDN'T DO IT,

AND THEN, LIKE--

YEAH.DO YOU WANNA PLAY MARIO KART?

AWW.

MAYBE NEXT TIME.

BUT I ALSO WENTTO A CHRISTIAN COLLEGE,

WHICH IS REALLY SILLY

BECAUSE I'M A JEWAND, LIKE, GOD'S NOT REAL.

SO...

IT WAS JUSTA REALLY FUN TIME.

I DID HAVE THIS CLASSWITH THIS ONE GIRL.

WE TOOK CHRISTIAN ETHICSTOGETHER.

YOU CAN IMAGINEHOW FUN SHE IS.

AND, UM, WE'RE STILL FRIENDSON FACEBOOK,

AND I WAS READINGHER STATUS RECENTLY,

AND IT SAID,

"I WISH SWALLOWINGWASN'T SO IMPORTANT."

OKAY.

AND THEN--YEAH.

BUT THEN THERE WERESIX COMMENTS UNDERNEATH IT,

AND NOT ONE COMMENTWAS ABOUT [bleep]-SUCKING.

THAT'S CRAZY.

THAT'S CR--I DON'T KNOWONE FRIEND

THAT WOULD READ, "I WISHSWALLOWING WASN'T SO IMPORTANT,"

AND WOULD NOT THINKABOUT A [bleep] IN A MOUTH.

LIKE, I DON'T EVEN GET IT.I DON'T EVEN GET IT.

ALL THE COMMENTS WERE LIKE,"MM, I CAN'T BELIEVE

YOU HAVE STREP THROAT."

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