Thank you very much.
Friday, Friday, Friday.
Thank you very much,please have a seat.
-(cheers and applause)-Please.
Thank you, thank you.
-(audience chanting "Larry")-Thank you.
Welcome to The Nightly Show.
-(audience chanting "Larry")-Yes.
Thank you. Please.
They are so excited 'causeit's Friday.
We ain't never on on Friday.
That would have been (bleep) upif you guys came here
and we weren't here.
No, it's Friday, man,and we got a special...
Actually, we have a specialmusical performance
from YG tonight.
-(cheers and applause)-Y-G.
He's going to, um...
He's going to give Donald Trumpsome, uh, "feedback," uh...
on how his convention went,so stick around for that.
But first, uh,I think we should catch you up
on what happenedat the RNC last night,
so time to check inwith the Unblackening.
(roaring and screaming)
-(cheers and applause)-Ooh, so scary.
So, last night marked the end
of the Republican NationalConvention.
And it's been quite aconvention, you guys.
From-from Michelle Obama'sbeautiful speech.
-(cheers and applause)-Right, right?
To, uh, to Ben Carson playing"Six Degrees of Lucifer."
To Grandpa Munster/Zodiac Killergetting booed off the stage.
And then, and-and you havethe children of the Orange
stealing the spotlight, right?
They were awesome, man.
It's been, it's beena hell of a week, um...
You know, uh, uh, um,I mean that.
It's been the week from hell.
So, Donald Trump, man,this is your big night
to make your caseto the American people.
What did you have to say?
The American people will comefirst once again.
The American peoplewill come first.
Well, isn't that gentlemanlyof you.
(laughter and applause)
Well, yeah,you know what I'm saying.
It's, uh, pretty, uh...
Well, how are you goingto do that, big boy?
(convention audience cheering)
He's not just appealingto the base.
He's also working the shaft.
What? What? Come on.
You had that joke.
That joke was right there.
You got... I got...
This is a sick crowd tonight,I can tell.
Okay. All right.
But that's not theonly way Trump
jerked America aroundlast night.
Anyone who endorses violence,hatred or oppression
is not welcome in our country
and never, ever will be.
Oh, my God, you're kickingyourself out.
-(cheers and applause)-Oh, my God.
Trump. Trump. Trump.Trump. Trump.
(audience chanting "Trump")
No, no, no, no,don't, don't, don't.
So Trump spent--he spent most of the night
trying to terrify peopleinto voting for him,
and because some peoplewant to vote for him,
I'm a little terrified.
But, oddly, he also decidedto extend a hand to a community
that has only received a fingerfrom the Republicans before.
As your president,I will do everything in my power
to protect our LGBTQ citizens.
He could barely get throughthose letters, am I right?
"L"... "G"... "B"...
Sounds like he just heard itfor the first time.
"LGBTQ, uh, could you spellthat for me?
spell it right here."
Though, to be fair, I got...I got to give Trump credit
for being the first GOP nomineeto mention LGBTQ citizens
in a convention speech,
and, I have to say,I give the party credit
for mentioning that community
more than I ever expectedthis week.
Donald Trump knowsthat your life matters.
He knows thatLGBTQ lives matter.
I am proud to be gay.
I am proud to be a Republican.
But most of all,I am proud to be an American.
(cheers and applause)
And I am so confused right now.
Did the entire Republican Partyjust come out of the closet?
I don't know.
Hold on, though.
Even Jesus' BFF Ted Cruz gotin on this, um, hot gay action.
Whether you are gay or straight,the Bill of Rights protects
the rights of all of us to liveaccording to our conscience.
Man, the Republican Party
has completely embracedLGBTQ rights.
It's a shame thatthe Republican Party
doesn't actually embraceLGBTQ rights.
Uh, Ted Cruz, it's very nicewhat you said,
don't get me wrong,
um, but you also said this
about the Supreme Court'spro-gay marriage ruling.
On June of last yearwe saw a decision
from the Supreme Court thatwas nothing short of tragic.
First it captures black peoplegetting shot,
then it captures hypocrisy.
Damn this technology.
And Donald Trump, Donald Trump,
yeah, it's nice that you claimto want to protect LGBTQ people,
but then you picked Mike Penceas your running mate,
a guy who's doneanything but that.
In addition to supportinga constitutional ban
on same-sex marriage and signinga bill to jail same-sex couples
for applyingfor a marriage license,
Pence wanted to divertfunding from HIV prevention
in order to fundgay conversion therapy.
You'd think a guy whose namewas so close to penis
wouldn't be so afraid of it.
you would think that.
Am I right, Trump?
I think he putin an extra one there.
I wasn't sure.
Sorry, Republicans, just tryingto keep it a hundred.
You know how that goes.