Maria Bamford - Office Enemy

  • Season 11 , Ep 10
  • 02/15/2007
  • Views: 46,812

Sometimes it's hard to get along with people at the office. (2:18)

HAVE YOU EVER HAD SOMEBODY AT WORK WHO HATES YOU AND YOU CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY?

OOF! I USED TO HAVETHIS GIRLFRIEND AT WORK.

WE STARTED OUT ON THE WRONG FOOT.

HER NAME WAS VINETTE. I ASKED HER WHERE SHE WAS FROM.

SHE SAID,"GLENDALE, CALIFORNIA."

I SAID, "OH, THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE REALLY NICE."

SHE SAID, "YEAH...IT IS."

"ARE WE FIGHTING NOW? BECAUSE, GIRLFRIEND,

- I WILL THROW DOWN." - [LAUGHTER]

AND SHE STOPPED TALKING TO ME

EVEN THOUGH I KEPT TALKING TO HER.

LIKE YOU, I'M A FRIENDLY PERSON.

I KEPT TALKING TO HER EVEN THOUGH TALKING TO HER WAS

LIKE SHOUTING INTO THE WIND OF AN ANGRY DESERT THAT SHOWS

NO MERCY EVEN TO THE BENEVOLENT ARMADILLO.

EVERY MORNING I'D GO IN THERE, "GOOD MORNING, VINETTE."

[ANGRY WIND NOISES]

HEY, I'M HEADING OUT FOR LUNCH. CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING?

[ANGRY WIND NOISES CONTINUE]

- TGIF-- HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND. - [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND I KNOW SHE DIDN'T LIKE ME PERSONALLY

'CAUSE SHE TALKED TO ANYBODY ELSE ABOUT ANYTHING.

[MALE VOICE] "HEY, VINETTE, WE GOT A PACKAGE HERE FOR YA."

[FEMALE VOICE] "MY CAT GOT OUT THIS WEEKEND AND SHE GOT AS FAR AS

"THE FRONT WALK AND SHE LOOKS UP AT ME LIKE, 'WHAT?'

- AND I'M LIKE, YOU KNOW WHAT."- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

[ANGRILY] "VINETTE, WHY WON'T YOU TELL ME THE WONDERFUL CAT STORY?"

I TRIED TO REACH HER TELEPATHICALLY. "VINETTE."

BUT I DID EVENTUALLYGET HER TO TALK ABOUT ME

WHICH IS REALLY ALMOST AS SATISFYING.

"SOMEONE KEEPS LEAVING A NUDE POSTER OF DAVID HASSELHOFF

IN THE COLOR COPIER." "IT'S ME, VINETTE. IT'S ME."

"SOMEONE WENT IN THE KITCHEN

AND LAMINATED ALL THECOCOA PACKETS TOGETHER."

"ME AGAIN, VINETTE. ME AGAIN."

"SOMEONE IS ALWAYS IN THE UNISEX BATHROOM

SINGING SPANISH FOLK SONGS."

[MUMBLING SPANISH FOLK SONG]

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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