Eugene Mirman - Specificity

  • Season 1, Ep 1
  • 01/08/2010
  • Views: 12,118

Linens 'N Things went out of business because they weren't specific enough. (1:26)

AND THERE WAS A--IT WAS LIKE A DEBATE,

BUT THERE WERE 10 ANTI-ABORTIONPROTESTORS OUTSIDE.

THE PEOPLE DIDN'T REALLY CARE,BUT THEY HAD THEIR GIANT SIGNS,

YOU KNOW, OF, LIKE,A PICTURE OF A FETUS,

AND IT SAID, LIKE, "THIS FETUSNEVER LEARNED SKYPE!"

(laughter)

OR WHATEVER THEY'RE MAD AT.

AND THERE WAS ONE WOMANWHO HAD A GIANT SIGN,

AND ON IT, IT JUST SAID,

"AMERICA IS BETTERTHAN ABORTION!"

I THINK SHE MEANT THAT AMERICAWAS TOO GOOD A PLACE

FOR THE HORROR OF ABORTION,BUT INSTEAD,

IT SOUNDED LIKESHE HAD WEIGHED BOTH,

THE AMERICAN SPIRITAND GETTING AN ABORTION

AND DECIDEDTHAT AMERICAN SPIRIT, BETTER.

I THINK IT IS A BAD IDEA

TO HAVE GRAMMATICALLYAMBIGUOUS PROTEST SIGNS.

TO HAVE A PRO--(cheers and applause)

YEAH.

TO HAVE A PROTEST SIGNTHAT'S LIKE,

"ABORTION--NEITHER HERE NOR THERE!"

I WAS IN WESTERN MASS,

AND I SAW THAT LINENS 'N THINGSWAS GOING OUT OF BUSINESS.

I KNOW.(laughter)

I KNOW.

MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS,SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE SPECIFIC.

(laughter,theme music pays)

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