Brian Regan - Local News

Brian Regan: Standing Up Season 1, Ep 1 06/09/2007 Views: 14,839

While watching the news, Brian Regan was surprised to find out he was on trial for international espionage. (2:41)

Politicians have a lot to dealwith these days, man.

It's a different world.You know who I feel bad for?

Arab-Americans who trulywant to get into crop dusting.

Could be their lifelong dream.

And every timethey ask for a pamphlet,all hell breaks loose.

"I'd like some informationon crop dusting.

"And let me guess.You need to makea phone call.

I've been throughthe rigamarole."

I like watching the news.

I love the commercialsfor the local news.

You'll hear things like,"A news anchor you can trust."

What the hell is therenot to trust?

What, is he gonna lie to you?

"There's a big fire downtown.


"I don't knowif I trust this guy.

"I don't know.There's something about him.

I can't put my finger upon it.Something. Something not right."

Another one you'll hear--"A news team that cares."

[ Chuckles ]They don't careon the other channel?

Like, you click over there--"A major highwayis closed down tonight,

but, uh, hey,I don't drive home that way."

"Aw, turn it backto the team that cares.

These two are surly.I've had it withtheir uncaring ways."

You know whatI saw on the news?

And I'm not makingthis up at all.

There's a United States spynamed Brian Regan.

Brian Regan. Same spelling.It's unbelievable.

And when that trial started--He's in jail for the restof his life for, uh, espionage.

For selling secretsto Libya and Iraq.

And when that trial started,I knew nothing about that guy.

Had the news onin the background,

and I'm not reallypaying attention.

I'm doing a crossword puzzleand I hear,

"It's unclear whetherthe charges against Brian Reganwill lead to his execution."

"Guess I canset this down here.

Honey, did we paythat parking ticket?"