Petty in Print

June 10, 2015 - Colin Quinn 06/10/2015 Views: 268,307

The New York Times details the traffic violations and spending habits of 2016 presidential hopeful Senator Marco Rubio. (5:12)

>> Jon: "THE NEW YORK TIMES,"CALLED THE GRAY LADY, PAPER OF

RECORD, GOLD STANDARD OFAMERICAN PRINT JOURNALISM.

OL' TIMESY.

AS WE HEAD INTO THE 2016PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION, NO ONE IS

ASKING HARDER QUESTIONS OF THECANDIDATES.

HILLARY CLINTON'S EMAIL SCANDAL.

JEB BUSH'S POSSIBLE FUNDRAISINGVIOLATIONS.

AND NOW THEY'VE SET THEIR SIGHTSON ONE OF THE HOTTEST,

FASTEST-RISING POLITICIANS INTHE RACE.

THIS IS GOING TO BE DEVASTATING.

>> "THE NEW YORK TIMES" RAN ASTORY ABOUT SENATOR MARCO RUBIO

PARKING TICKETS AND HIS TRAFFICHISTORY.

>> SINCE 1997, THE COUPLE HASAMASSED 17 CITATIONS.

MOST OF THOSE TICKETS, 13IN ALL, WERE GIVEN TO JANET

RUBIO.

>> Jon: OH! [BLEEP].

MARCO RUBIO GOT FOUR TICKETSIN 17 YEARS.

I ASSUME "THE NEW YORK TIMES"OBTAINED THIS DAMNING

INFORMATION FROM MARCO RUBIO'SPLAQUE IN THE HALL OF BEST MIAMI

DRIVERS EVER.

[APPLAUSE]

HOW IS RUBIO GOING TO TALK HISWAY OUT OF THIS TOTAL SCANDAL?

>> I CAN TELL YOU BEING FROMMIAMI, WERE YOU DRIVER

EVERYWHERE, HAVING FOUR TICKETSIN 17 YEARS IS NOT CONSIDERED

BAD.

BUT LET ME JUST SAY, I DON'TLIKE RED LIGHT CAMERAS, THOUGH.

BIG SCAM.

>> Jon: YEAH!

AND WHAT'S WITH THIS GUY?

I CAN'T CROSS THE STREET TILLTHE WHITE MAN SAYS IT'S OKAY?

THE NEW YORK CITY TIMES IS JUSTGETTING WARMED UP.

THIS MORNING, THE TIMES WROTE UPFRONT PAGE STORY THAT'S GOING

TO BLOW THE CHINOS OFF THERUBIO CAMPAIGN.

>> "THE NEW YORK TIMES" THISWEEK DETAILED RUBIO'S DEBT AND

MORTGAGES, INCLUDING HISPURCHASE OF THREE HOMES, PUTTING

NO MONEY DOWN ON TWO OF THEM.AFTER A PUBLISHER PAID RUBIO

$800,000 TO WRITE A BOOK IN2012, THE SENATOR PAID OFF

$100,000 IN LAW SCHOOL LOANS.

>> Jon: YOU BASTARD!

[LAUGHTER]

PAYING OFF LAW SCHOOL LOANS.

HOW DARE YOU?

AT LONG LAST, SENATOR, HAVE YOUNO SENSE OF INSOLVENCY?

UNLESS THERE'S MORE TO THISSTORY.

>> BUT HE ALSO PURCHASED AN$80,000, 24-FOOT FISHING BOAT

LIKE THIS, AND MORE RECENTLYLEASED A $50,000 LUXURY SUV.

>> Jon: OF COURSE HE LEASED IT.

NOT GOING TO BUY ONE.

YOU SEE THE WAY HIS WIFE DRIVES.

13 SPEEDING TICKETS.

NOW, LISTEN, THOSE MAY NOT SEEMLIKE PARTICULARLY EXTRAVAGANT

EXPENSES WORTHY OF A "NEW YORKTIMES" FRONT PAGE COVER STORY.

BUT IT'S A SLIPEPRY SLOPE.

IT WASN'T LONG BEFORE THEYSPLURGED ON A WHOLE HOUSE WITH

AN IN-GROUND POOL, HANDSOMEBRICK DRIVEWAY, METICULOUSLY

MANICURED SHRUBS AND OVERSIZEWINDOWS.

OVER SIZED WINDOWS!

WHAT'S THE MATTER, SENATOR, THENORMAL AMOUNT OF LIGHT ISN'T

GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?

I'M SENATOR MARCO RUBIO, I LIKETO ROLL AROUND IN A GIANT PATCH

OF SUNLIGHT LIKE I'M A BIGOL' CAT.

HOW IS ANY OF THIS FRONT PAGENEWS.

I CAN'T THINK OF A SINGLE PERSONWHO WOULD BE BOTHERED BY THIS.

WELL, MAYBE ONE.

>> APPARENTLY MITT ROMNEY'SCAMPAIGN WHEN THEY WERE VETTING

HIM FOR VICE PRESIDENT FLAGGEDTHIS AS AN ISSUE.

>> Jon: I DON'T KNOW IF MITTROMNEY IS THE GUY TO VET PEOPLE

ON RESPONSIBLE SPENDING.

$80,000 ON A BOAT SLIGHTLY PALESIN COMPARISON TO $52 MILLION

ON A LOSING PIPE DREAM.

AT LEAST RUBIO HAS A BOAT TOSHOW FOR IT.

YOU MIGHT THINK "THE NEW YORKTIMES" IS WASTING TIME TREATING

INCONSEQUENTIAL GOSSIP LIKESERIOUS CONCERNS.

SURPSRINGLY, A NEW YORKTIMES REPORTER FEELS VERY

DIFFERENTLY.

>> WHEN YOU RUN FOR PRESIDENT,EV ERY ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE

AND SPOUSE'S LIFE IS OPEN TOPUBLIC SCRUTINY.

THIS IS KIND OF THE GAME, RIGHT?

>> Jon: IT'S A GAME, IT'S A[BLEEP]ING GAME.

WHAT'S "THE NEW YORK TIMES"GOING TO DO, EXERCISE EDITORIAL

CONTROL?

NO.

IT'S LIKE T EIR MOTTO SAYS,DON'T HATE THE PAPER, HATE THE

GAME.

THE NEW YORK TIMES MIGHT THINKTHIS IS A ALL IN FUN, BECAUSE

THEY'RE PRINT. A LITTLELIFESTYLES OF THE NOT RICH

ENOUGH AND FAMOUS.

BUT THEY FORGET WHAT A STORYLIKE THAT TURNS INTO ON THE TV.

>> SPLURGING ON LUXURY ITEMS?

NOT SAVING ENOUGH?

GET A PEEK INSIDE MARCO RUBIO'SBANK BOOK.

DO HIS PAST MONEY TROUBLESMATTER?

>> WOW.

SUDDENLY THE MAN WHO PAID OFFHIS STUDENT LOANS AND GOT A BOAT

IS PRINTING COUNTERFEIT HUNDREDSIN HIS BASEMENT.

[LAUGHTER]

I MEAN, HE CAN'T DO IT IN HISLIVING ROOM, NOT WITH THOSE HUGE

[BLEEP] WINDOWS.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.