Tom Rhodes - The Second Chance State

CC Presents: Tom Rhodes Season 5, Ep 6 08/05/2001 Views: 1,814

How does a masking tape "X" on your window save you from a hurricane? (1:57)

FIRST OF ALL, CAN YOU BELIEVE

THIS GUY'S OUR PRESIDENT, HMM?

YEAH.

YOU CAN SEE THE STRINGS MAN,

ON THE CHEAP PUPPET SHOW.

YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SEE THE

STRINGS ON THE CHEAP PUPPET

SHOW.

IT'S REALLY SAD THE FATE OF THE

NATION, THE ELECTION, WAS

DECIDED IN THE STATE OF FLORID,

'CAUSE I GREW UP IN FLORIDA

EVERYBODY.

(AUDIENCE CHEERS)

AND UH, WELL, YOU SHOULD WAIT

TO HEAR WHAT I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT

IT FIRST.

FLORIDA IS THE SECOND CHANCE

STATE EVERYBODY.

PEOPLE WHO'VE SCREWED UP IN

OTHER STATES MOVE TO FLORIDA

FOR THEIR SECOND CHANCE.

THERE SHOULD BE A SIGN AT THE

BORDER THAT SAYS: WELCOME TO

FLORIDA, (BLEEP) ROLLS DOWN

HILL.

(LAUGHTER)

PEOPLE IN FLORIDA SHOULD NOT BE

MAKING DECISIONS FOR ANYBODY,

MAN.

THEY HAVE HURRICANES.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY TEND TO DO

WHEN A HURRICANE IS COMING?

THEY TELL YA TO PUT MASKING TAPE

ON YOUR WINDOWS.

TAPE, LIKE AN X.

IT'S LIKE: NO HURRICANE.

NO.

STAY AWAY.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

THEY ALL SAY TO FILL YOUR

BATHTUB FULL OF WATER SO YOU'LL

HAVE PLENTY OF FRESH DRINKING

WATER.

APPARENTLY, THESE PEOPLE HAVE

NEVER SEEN MY BATHTUB.

I'D DRINK GASOLINE BEFORE

I'D DRINK ANYTHING OUT OF THERE,

MAN.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

I'VE GOT GERMS THE SIZE OF

TURTLES FOR GOD'S SAKE.

CAN'T BE TAKIN' NO CHANCES

ON THE TURTLE GERMS.

IN FLORIDA THEY HAVE ALLIGATORS.

ALLIGATORS NEVER EAT BIG PEOPLE

LIKE YOU AND I.

THEY ONLY EAT LITTLE CHILDREN

AND PETS.

AND SAD AS THAT SOUNDS,

WHENEVER THEY INTERVIEW THE

PARENTS ON THE NEWS AFTERWARDS,

YOU CAN ALWAYS KIND OF TELL WHY

THE KID GOT EATEN.

(LAUGHTER)

(SOUTHERN TWANG) WELL, JUNIOR

WAS AT THE EDGE OF THE WATER

AND HE WAS POKIN' THIS ALLIGATOR

WITH A STICK.

(LAUGHTER)

WE LOST A GOOD ONE, I'M SURE.

SURELY THE SPACE PROGRAM WILL

SUFFER.

NOW THAT JUNIOR IS NO MORE.