Uncensored - Dov Davidoff - It's Genetic

  • Season 2 , Ep 3
  • 01/26/2012
  • Views: 3,984

Dov Davidoff would like to know why gay guys look like they just smelled cookies. (2:36)

I SAW MY FAMILY RECENTLY

AND I-AND I FEEL LIKE THIS--UM, EVERYBODY'S ANGRY WITH ME

BECAUSE APPARENTLYI OUTTED MY COUSIN

DURING AN ARGUMENTOVER A TURKEY LEG,

'CAUSE MY COUSIN... MY COUSINGOES, "YOU HAD THE LAST LEG."

AND I WAS LIKE,"YOU'RE GAY."

[audience laughing]

WE DON'T CARE.

IT'S JUST EVERYYEAR MY AUNT FRAN

WON'T ADMIT TO HERSELFTHAT BILLY'S GAY,

AND EVERY YEAR SHE GOES, "BILL,HAVE YOU MET ANY NICE GIRLS?

"ARE YOU DATINGANY NICE GIRLS?"

I WAS LIKE, "MET ANY?"

EVERY YEAR, YOU MAKEPEOPLE UNCOMFORT--

BILLY'S WEARINGCAPRI PANTS!

THEY STOP AT THE KNEE!

HE'S GAY AND HE'SNOT A LITTLE BIT GAY!

HE'S NOT ONE OF THESE GUYSTHAT YOU SEE AND YOU'RE LIKE,

"IS THIS DUDE--"HE'S LIKE...

[audience laughing]

HE'S GAY, GAY.

AND WHY DO GAYGUYS OFTEN LOOK

LIKE THEY'VE JUSTSMELLED COOKIES?

JUST...

[audience laughing]

"DID SOMEBODY MAKE--"IT'S LIKE, "NAH, YOU'RE GAY.

"THERE ARE NO COOKIES HERE--WE HAVE NO COOKIES."

AND I WAS ALWAYS CURIOUSABOUT THAT LOOK, YOU KNOW?

'CAUSE ONLY, LIKE,AS A STRAIGHT GUY, I--

LISTEN, IT'S GENETIC.

IF YOU'RE GAY,YOU'RE GAY, RIGHT?

IT'S GENETIC-- I GOT INTOAN ARGUMENT WITH A GUY.

HE GOES-HE GOES,"AH, NAH, IT'S A CHOICE."

IS IT REALLY, YOU IGNORANT--IT'S A CHOICE?

IT'S A CHOICE!

DO YOU KNOWANY GAY PEOPLE!

COULD YOU IMAGINE A STRAIGHTGUY MAKING THAT CHOICE?

JUST A STRAIGHT GUY LOOKIN'AT A NAKED DUDE BEIN' LIKE,

"I DON'T WANT ANYPART OF THAT, UH...

"BUT COME HERE.

"I'M ABOUT TO MAKEA CRAZY CHOICE, MAN."

IT'S NOT A CHOICE!

THERE'S ONLY THREE THINGSTHAT COULD CREATE

THAT LOOK ONA STRAIGHT DUDE.

YOU WOULD HAVETO BE FEELING

EMOTIONALLY VULNERABLE,YET AGGRESSIVE,

YET BE IN A BAKERY

WHEN THEY JUST PULLEDOUT A TRAY OF MUFFINS.

AND YOU'RE LIKE,

"HA, IS THATA [bleep] MUFFIN, MAN!"

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

I WENT THROUGHTHIS EXPERIENCE.

I WAS-I WASIN LOVE, RIGHT?

I WAS IN LOVE-LOVEWITH THIS GIRL,

AND SHE WAS APHD IN LITERATURE,

AND I WAS THROWNOUT OF HIGH SCHOOL,

AND SHE WOULDUSE QUOTES ON ME

FROM AUTHORS THAT HAVEBEEN DEAD FOR 200 YEARS.

AND IT WAS REALLYCONDESCENDING,

BUT I NEVER REALIZED,'CAUSE I LOVED HER.

AND ONE DAY,IT ALL HIT ME.

I WAS IN A CARAND SHE WAS LATE.

I SAID, "WOMAN,YOU'RE AN HOUR LATE."

AND SHE HIT ME WITHONE OF THOSE QUOTES.

SHE GOES, "TIMEAND SPACE ARE PERCEPTIBLE

"ONLY TO THE HUMAN HEART,JAMES JOYCE, 1888."

AH-HUH!

AND MY DIGNITYFINALLY KICKED BACK IN.

I PULLED THE CAR OVER,AND I WAS LIKE,

"YOU HAVE TO GETTHE [bleep] OUT!

"IKE TURNER, 1967."[audience cheering]

Loading...