Eugene Mirman - Theremin Jokes

Season 1 , Ep 101 12/14/12 Views: 6,306

Eugene Mirman has always wanted to play a musical instrument while telling jokes on stage. (2:16)

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AND TELL JOKES ONSTAGE.

AND I'VE ALSOALWAYS REALLY WANTED

TO PLAY A THEREMIN.

AND I WAS LIKE, "I AM GONNACOMBINE THESE TWO DREAMS

AND PLAY A THEREMINWHILE TELLING JOKES."

SO LET ME GO GETMY THEREMIN.

[cheers and applause]

ON THE WAY HERE,AS THEY ALWAYS DO,

THE T.S.A. GUY WAS LIKE,"WHAT IS IT?"

AND I, LIKE,DON'T KNOW, LIKE,

WHAT YOU'RE ALLOWEDTO JOKE ABOUT.

AND I WAS LIKE,"IT'S A MIND-CONTROL DEVICE."

AND THEN HE, LIKE, TESTS ITFOR WHATEVER THEY TEST IT,

AND HE GIVES IT BACKAND HE'S LIKE, "IT'S OKAY."

AND I JUST KIND OF STARE AT HIM,AND HE GOES,

"UNLESS IT'S TELLING METO SAY THAT."

[laughter]YEAH.

YOU CAN JOKE ABOUT SCI-FIWEAPONS AT THE AIRPORT.

HA HA.

ALL RIGHT, LET ME TRYTELLING SOME JOKES

WHILE PLAYINGTHE THEREMIN.

WHY IS NINEAFRAID OF SEVEN?

'CAUSE SEVEN ATE A BUNCH OFP.C.P. AND IS GOING APE[bleep].

[plays theremin]

IF YOU--IF YOU REALLY,REALLY DON'T LIKE SOMEONE--

IF YOU REALLYDON'T LIKE SOMEONE--

LIKE, IF YOUREALLY DON'T LIKE SOMEONE,

BUY THEM A PONY,'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT?

[bleep] YOU.TAKE CARE OF THIS PONY.

[plays theremin]

[laughter]

THIS IS, UH,THIS IS MY IMPRESSION

OF PLAYINGWITH A THEREMIN'S BALLS.

[plays theremin]

THIS IS, UH,WHALES HAVING SEX.

[theremin plays whale sounds]

[applause]

AND THIS IS, OF COURSE,AN IMPRESSION

OF KOFI ANNAN AFTER HE ATE,LIKE, MAYBE A BAD SANDWICH

WITH, LIKE, MAYONNAISETHAT WENT SPOILED,

AND HE HAS FOOD POISONING.

KOFI ANNANWITH FOOD POISONING.

[plays deep note]

"OH, I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD.

I'M KOFI ANNAN."

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