Gilbert Gottfried - Rozilla!

Season 1 , Ep 101 08/12/12 Views: 121,961

Gilbert Gottfried honors one of the great monsters of the entertainment industry. (3:24)

TONIGHT WE HONOR A MONSTER INTHE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRIES!

AND LIKE MOST MONSTERS,SHE GOES BY ONE NAME,

AND THAT NAME IS ROZILLA!

[cheers and applause]

ROZILLA!

SHE'S BEEN DESCRIBEDAS BEING COVERED

WITH A THICK LAYEROF SCALY, GRAY SKIN

EMITTING A STRONG,DISGUSTING ODOR

OF TACO GREASE AND ASS CHEESE.

HER SHARP, YELLOW TEETHCAN TAKE A MAN'S ARM OFF

IN ONE BITE

IF YOU ARE FOOLISH ENOUGHTO TRY AND FEED THE BEAST

HER MOUNTAIN OF PORK CRACKLINGSAND ONE SLIM-FAST CANDY BAR.

[laughter]

- OH, MY GOD.

- ROZILLA!

STOMPING THROUGH HOLLYWOODFOR DECADES,

BREATHING FIREFROM HER HAIRY SNOUT,

BURNING BRIDGE AFTER BRIDGE,

HER GLOWING RED EYESSTRIKING TERROR IN THE HEART

OF ANYONE UNFORTUNATE ENOUGH

TO LOOKIN HER HIDEOUS FACE.

- OH, MY GOD.

- HER GNARLED, COW-LIKE HOOVES

CRUSHING AND DESTROYINGEVERYTHING IN HER PATH,

STOPPING ONLY TO FEEDEVERY 10 MINUTES

AND MAKE ONE SITCOM DECADES AGO.

HER ROLLS OF FAT,SWAYING AND CRASHING

LIKE A JAPANESE MOO-NAMI.

[laughter]

LET ME JUST STOP FOR A SECOND

AND--AND GO ON THE RECORDABOUT MOO-NAMIS.

ONE SHOULD NEVER SPEAKABOUT MOO-NAMIS.

ONE SHOULD NEVER JOKEABOUT MOO-NAMIS,

AND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL,

ONE SHOULD NEVER TWEETABOUT MOO-NAMIS.

[cheers and applause]

BUT IF ONE WERE TO TWEETABOUT A MOO-NAMI,

HE'S PROBABLY LEARNED HIS LESSONBY NOW

AND SHOULD GETHIS ENDORSEMENT DEAL BACK.

[cheers and applause]

SO HE WON'T HAVE TO KEEP DOINGTHESE HORRIBLE FUCKING ROASTS!

[cheers and applause]

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