Greg Giraldo - A Very Dangerous World

  • Season 8 , Ep 18
  • 04/01/2004
  • Views: 5,213

It seems like there's a new disease discovered everyday. (1:30)

THERE'S BEEN A LOT OF SERIOUS

THINGS HAPPENING, YOU KNOW,

LIKE OF COURSE WARS AND

DISEASES.

EVERY DAY THERE'S A NEW DISEASE,

A NEW VIRAL OUTBREAK.

THERE'S-- YOU KNOW, IT'S A VERY

DANGEROUS WORLD WE LIVE IN,

RIGHT?

EVERY DAY THERE'S SOMETHING NEW.

THE WEST NILE VIRUS,

THE MONKEY POX THE SARS.

THE WEST NILE VIRUS, YOU KNOW

HOW THEY KNEW IT WAS COMING

BACK TO THE NEW YORK AREA?

THEY FOUND TWO BIRDS IN

WHITESTONE, QUEENS THAT WERE

INFECTED WITH THE VIRUS.

WHO FINDS THESE BIRDS?

[LAUGHTER]

I GREW UP IN QUEENS.

WE USED TO FIND DEAD BIRDS ALL

THE TIME.

WE DIDN'T TAKE 'EM IN FOR

AUTOPSIES.

YOU KNOW?

WE PICKED 'EM UP, AND WE THREW

'EM AT THE GAY KID.

THAT'S WHAT WE DID.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

WE WERE KIDS.

YOU KNOW WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW

WHAT GAY WAS AT THE TIME.

WE JUST KNEW HE RAN LIKE A GIRL

WHEN YOU THREW DEAD THINGS

AT HIM, SO WE DID IT.

I'M NOT PROUD OF IT.

THE MONKEY POX THE MONKEY POX.

THERE WERE PEOPLE IN THE

MIDWEST GETTING INFECTED WITH

THE MONKEY POX, BECAUSE THEY

WERE PLAYING WITH THEIR PET

PRAIRIE DOGS.

WHEN I HEARD YOU CAN GET A

DISEASE FROM PLAYING WITH YOUR

PRAIRIE DOG, I THOUGHT,

"WOW, WHAT A EUPHEMISM."

I THOUGHT PLAYING WITH MY

PRAIRIE DOG WAS THE BEST WAY TO

AVOID DISEASES.

WHO KNEW?

[LAUGHTER]

AND THEY TRACKED IT DOWN WITHIN

TWO DAYS.

WITHIN TWO DAYS OF THE OUTBREAK,

THEY KNEW EXACTLY WHAT WAS

HAPPENING.

WITHIN TWO DAYS, THEY KNEW

EXACTLY WHAT WAS HAPPENING.

"WELL, OBVIOUSLY, THIS PRAIRIE

DOG HAD SHARED A CAGE WITH AN

AFRICAN RAT FROM NAMIBIA,

AND YOU COULD SEE FROM THE BILL

POX.

AND THAT'S OBVIOUSLY WHAT

HAPPENED.

WHY ARE THEY PUTTING THESE

GENIUS DETECTIVES ON THE MONKEY

POX CASE?

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

WHERE'S SADDAM HUSSEIN?

WHERE'S OSAMA BIN LADEN?

WHERE ARE THE WEAPONS OF MASS

DESTRUCTION?

WE CAN'T FIND ANY OF THAT,

BUT WE FIND A GOPHER WITH THE

SNIFFLES IN A TERRARIUM IN

MADISON, WISCONSIN.

NOW YOU, AH...

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