David Spade - Casual Robbery

David Spade: My Fake Problems Season 1, Ep 101 05/04/2014 Views: 7,876

David Spade describes the fine line between his interaction with a homeless man and a robbery. (2:22)

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THANKS, GUYS.

YOU GUYS KNOW ONE DIRECTION.

GIVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE.

[laughter and applause]

THAT'S LIAM.

THAT'S, UH...

IKE.

THAT'S HARRY STYLES.

WELCOME TO THE OLD FONDATHEATRE, UNDERLINE "OLD."

COME ON, NOW.

NO, IT'S NICE.

IT'S A NICE NEIGHBORHOOD COMINGDOWN HERE.

YOU CAN HAVE SOME FUN DRIVINGDOWN HERE.

YOU KNOW WHEN YOUR NAV SAYS,

"IF YOU GETTO GANG BANG STREET,

"IT'S TOO FAR,

BUT IF YOU'RE AT CAR JACK,YOU'RE CLOSE"?

IT'S NICE.I SAW A HOMELESS GUY OUT FRONT,

AND HE WAS TALKING TO ME.

I'M NOT EVEN MAKING FUNOF HOMELESS PEOPLE.

THEY'RE GREAT.OR NOT GREAT.

THEY'RE OKAY, BUT--

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?THEY'RE, LIKE, IN THE MIDDLE.

BUT--

I DON'T WANT TO [bleep]HYPE 'EM UP,

BUT THEY'RE ALL RIGHT.

BUT I WAS WALKINGFROM THE PARKING LOT,

AND HE'S WALKING WITH ME."DAVID SPADE."

YOU KNOW THEY GETA LITTLE TOO TIGHT WITH YA,

LIKE, YOU KIND OF WANTTO GO SCOOT,

BUT IT'S TOO RUDE.

HE'S LIKE, "DAVID SPADE,WALKING ALONG.

"LOOK AT THIS GUY.

FROM TV, DAVID SPADE,"YOU KNOW?

THREE BLOCKS.THEN HE FINALLY GOES,

"DAVID SPADE,GIVE ME SOME MONEY,"

AND I GO--

YOU KNOW WHEN IT TURNSINTO A CASUAL ROBBERY?

YOU'RE NOT REALLY ALLOWEDTO SAY NO.

I GO, ANY COPS? NO?

OKAY, WELL, HERE'S 10 BUCKS.THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

"I KNOW YOU GOTMORE THAN THAT."

I GO, "WHERE ARE THE POLICE?"

PEOPLE ARE JUST WALKING BY.

I'M LIKE,"STOP ME WHEN YOU FEEL."

AND HE GOES, "AH, YOUR SHOW'SON TOO MANY RERUNS, MAN."

I GO, "YOU HAVE A TVIN THAT BOX?

"YOU JUST SAID YOU LIVEIN A BOX.

YOU HAVE A TV?"

HE GOES, "GET ON GAME OF THRONES, MAN."

I GO,"YOU HAVE HBO IN THERE?

I ONLY HAVE HBO UPSTAIRS."

UPSTAIRS, NICE.

YOU GET IT.YOU KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING.

NO, IT'S GOOD.

I LIKE PEOPLE ARE IN SHORTS.

THERE'S ALWAYS SOMEONE IN SH--WHAT ARE YOU SAVING

THE PANTS FOR, LOUIS CK?

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

HONESTLY.

IT'S LIKE,I HAVE SHORTS ON TODAY.

I'M GOING TO SPADE TONIGHT.

SHOULD I CHANGE?NO.

SAVE 'EM FOR WHEN THE NEXT HUNGER GAMES COMES OUT.

LET'S WEAR 'EM TO A MOVIE.

OH.

WHERE ARE THE PANTS?ALL RIGHT, THAT'S FINE.