Blacklash 2016: The Unblackening - Sarah Palin Stumps for Donald Trump

January 20, 2016 - Sarah Palin's Trump Speech & Smart Sex 01/20/2016 Views: 25,121

Sarah Palin comes out of the woodwork to endorse Donald Trump, creating an all-consuming black hole of mindlessness. (4:10)

Okay, welcome back.

Big news yesterdayon the political landscape.

Uh, I'm sorry,did I say "landscape"?

I meant "hellscape."

So let's check inwith the Unblackening.

(dramatic music playing)

I'm here to support the nextPresident of the United States,

Donald Trump!

I got to say, "Yeah, I'll go.

Send me. You betcha."

Drill, baby, drill!

How 'bout the rest of us?

Right-wingin', bitter-clingin',

proud clingers of our guns,our god, our...

and our religions,and our Constitution!

(laughter, groaning)

Is she literally drunk?

I'm not even joking, you guys.

-She sounds wasted, right?-(audience agreeing)

"Right-wingin', bitter-clingin',

proud cl..."(repressed retching)

I mean, that's not evena word salad.

That's like a wordChipotle burrito bowl with...

extra e. Coli thrown in.

By the way, I can't believethey charge you $2.50

for the e. Coli at Chipotle now.Highway robbery.

I mean, but look at them. DonaldTrump and Sarah Palin together?

It's-it'sthese two empty vessels.

I-I don't even knowhow to explain the implications

when you get that much emptinessthat close together. I...

You know what, I think I needsomeone to explain this to me

in scientific terms.So, now, it turns out

Neil deGrasse Tysonwasn't available tonight,

so please welcomehis younger, nerdier cousin,

-Jaleel deGrasse Tyson,everybody. -Thank you.

Greetings, Larry! Greetings.

-Greetings. -Thank you, Jaleel.Thanks for coming to the show.

-Thrilled to be here, uh, tomake science accessible -Great.

-for the masses!-Great.

-Uh, well, actually, Jaleel,I wanted to talk to you -Yeah.

-about politics. Yes. Okay.-Oh, of course. Yes. Yeah.

So-so can you just help meunderstand what's going on

with this Trump-Palin thing?

It's just beyondmy comprehension.

Oh, that's-that'sunderstandable, but, uh,

Larry,it's very simple astrophysics.

Really? Astrophysics?

More like "ass"-trophysics.(chuckles)

Get it?

In that Palin and Trumpare both asses.


I make science humorous!

-Yes. Very nice, very nice.Okay. -Yes.

Anyway, they're both, uh,such dense pockets

of unchecked stupidity, and themass of their egos is so great

a-and their pullon the news cycle is so strong

that there's really only oneprecedent in the entire universe

-for what's happening,-Okay.

and that is the convergenceof two black holes.

You are familiar withblack holes, are you not, Larry?

-Well, yeah.-Yeah.

I mean, it...You mean a section of space

where, like... where, like,gravity is so strong

that nothing can escape?

Yes, a massive dead star.

But enough about Sarah Palin!


Now we're cookingwith noble gases!

Well, in the rare event

that you've, uh, got two blackholes sharing the same region

of space-time or holdinga press conference together,

their gravitational pull is suchthat they will slowly converge

-into one massive,roiling cauldron of suck. -Okay.

-Wait... -Now, that isa scientific term, by the way.

-Wait. Wait. "Suck"?-Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

And "succubus." Yes, yes.

Very much so.

"Suck" is a scientific term?

-(laughing): Yeah.-I didn't know that. Uh...

-Oh, okay. -Well-well,what can we do about this?

-Well, there's nothingwe can do, Larry. -Uh-huh.

You know? We're way pastthe event horizon here.

But it's-it's not lightthat-that cannot escape

this black hole. No, this is...this is enlightenment.

(chuckles)You get it?

-A little science humorcoming at you. -All right.

-I-I got it.-(chuckles)

You didn't need me here, Larry!

You get science.

We have so much in common,you know?

Because, uh, we both are funny.

And, uh, we both like scienceand stuff.

Um, I agree with the second partof your sentence.

-(laughing): Oh, I seewhat you did there. -Uh... Yeah.

Jaleel deGrasse Tyson, everyone.We'll be right back.

-No, I see what you did!(cheering and applause)