Shane Mauss - Drunk vs. Wasted

  • Season 14 , Ep 8
  • 01/11/2010
  • Views: 6,908

Shane Mauss has a hard time telling the difference between when he's drunk and when he's wasted. (3:13)

WHO'S A MEDICAL STUDENT --

A GREAT THING TO GET INTO,BUT HE'S VERY ARROGANT ABOUT IT.

ALWAYS BRAGGINGABOUT HOW SMART HE IS,

HOW MUCH MONEY HE'S GONNA MAKE.

HE WON'T SHUT UP.

I LIKE TO KNOCK HIM OFFHIS HIGH HORSE ONCE IN A WHILE.

WE'LL BE HANGING OUT.

I'LL BE LIKE, "HEY,WHY DON'T YOU GIVE MY TESTES

"A LITTLE SQUEEZE QUICK, HUH?

"THAT'S WHAT YOU DO, RIGHT?

HOW ABOUT A PROSTATE EXAM,SOMETHING?"

HE'S LIKE, "OH, YOU'RE GAY.YOU'RE GAY."

"NAME-CALLING. [ SCOFFS ]LIKE WE'RE IN MIDDLE SCHOOL."

"WHAT?"

"HOW ABOUT BEINGA PROFESSIONAL, RIGHT?

"WE'RE JUST A COUPLE DUDESHANGING OUT, HAVING SOME BEERS,

AND I WANT YOU TO ROOT AROUNDIN MY BUTT FOR A WHILE."

[ LAUGHTER ]

HE'S LIKE [ Singsong voice ]"OH, I'M AN EYE DOCTOR."

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ Normal voice ] "YEAH.

THEN LOOK IN MY BUTT."

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ LAUGHS ]

I DRINK QUITE A BIT.I LIKE THE ALCOHOL.

MY BIGGEST PROBLEMWITH DRINKING --

I SOMETIMES HAVE A HARD TIMETELLING THE DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN WHEN I'M DRUNKAND WHEN I'M WASTED.

YEAH. KIND OF GOT TO LOOKFOR CLUES A LITTLE BIT.

LIKE, WHEN I'M DRUNK AND RIDINGA BICYCLE, I MIGHT FALL OVER.

AND WHEN I'M WASTED,I'LL STILL BE PEDALING.

[ LAUGHTER ]

A COUPLE YEARS AGO,SOME FRIENDS OF MINE --

THEY WANTED ME TO SLOW DOWNON THE DRINKING A LITTLE BIT.

ONE OF THEIR BIG IDEAS WAS TOVIDEOTAPE ME DURING A BLACKOUT

AND THEN SHOW IT TO ME LATER

SO I COULD SEE WHAT I WASREALLY ACTING LIKE.

AND I WATCHED THE TAPE.I WAS JUST LIKE, "OH, MY GOD.

I MEAN, I KNEW I WAS FUNNY..."

[ LAUGHTER ]

"BUT THAT'S HILARIOUS.

GIVING MYSELF A WEDGIE?"

[ LAUGHTER ]

"WOULD HAVE NEVER THOUGHTOF THAT ONE SOBER.

"HOW AM I GONNA TOP THAT?

"OOH, DRY-HUMPINGTHE POLICE OFFICER.

OF COURSE."

YOU KNOW HOW YOU DRINK TOO MUCHWHEN YOU PUKE,

AND THEN AFTERWARDS,YOU JUST KIND OF KEEP DRINKING?

INSTEAD OF CALLING IT A NIGHT,YOU'RE JUST LIKE, "DO-OVER!"

[ LAUGHTER ]

THAT'S JUST WHAT I DO.

ONCE, I WAS HAMMERED,

AND I HAD TO PUKE AND [BLEEP]AT THE SAME TIME.

YEAH, DON'T KNOWHOW IT HAPPENED,

BUT THERE WAS NOT ONE THAT WASGOING TO WAIT FOR THE OTHER.

FORTUNATELY, IN THE BATHROOMTHAT I WAS IN,

THERE WAS A TOILET THAT WASRIGHT NEXT TO THE WINDOW.

YEAH.

SO I JUST HUNG MY ASSOUT THERE AND...

[ LAUGHTER ]

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