Richard Lewis - Asthma Not Included

Al Lubel & Barry Marder Season 1, Ep 0118 02/24/1992 Views: 450

Richard dreads the idea of his own action figure. (1:28)

EARLIER ON IN THE SHOW

AND THIS CELEBRITY CRAP

AND HEY! YOU KNOW, I'M OLD,I COULD DIE AT ANY MOMENT

I COULD, YOU KNOW...I'VE BEEN AROUND

BUT I DO CHARITIES.

ACTUALLY I DID A BENEFITFOR THE BIG BROTHERS.

ACTUALLY, IT WAS...

THERE'S A BIG BROTHERS PROGRAMALL ACROSS THE COUNTRY

AND ALSO THERE'SA JEWISH BIG BROTHERS

AND I HAD TO CHUCKLE JUST A TADBECAUSE I JUST...

I SAW MYSELFAS A JEWISH BIG BROTHER

AND I SAID, UH... TO MYSELF

GEE, THE KIDS, YOU KNOW,I PICK THEM UP

AND I GO, "YOU KNOW, YOU DON'TWANT TO GO TO DISNEYLAND.

"IT'S... IT'S DRIZZLING OUTAND I...

"WHY DON'T WE JUST COMEPLAY GIN TOGETHER AT MY HOUSE

AND IT'LL BE A KIND OF..."

IT WAS REALLY SCARYBEING ON TELEVISION

IN PRIME TIME FOR... WHATEVER IT WAS... FOUR YEARS

AND SOME TOY COMPANYCALLED MY AGENT AND SAID

( low voice: )"DOES MR. LEWIS WANT TO HAVE..."

I DON'T DO IMPRESSIONS.

ANYWAY, HE COULD HAVE SAID

( high voice: )"DOES MR. LEWIS WANT TO HAVEA TOY IN HIS LIKENESS?"

I MEAN, THAT WAS SCARY.

THEY WERE GOING TO CALL IT--

BECAUSE I'M A HYPOCHONDRIAC--"MR. CLAMMY," WHICH SCARED ME.

HE WAS LIKE A REAL ESTATE AGENT.

"IT'S GOING TO BEAN ACTION, COUGHING FIGURE.

"IT'LL BE GREAT.

"THERE'LL BE A SECRET DROOLBUTTON, YOU KNOW, IN THE BACK.

"AND THE PEG LEG IS OPTIONAL--KIDS DON'T HAVE TO BUY IT

AND ASPIRIN'S NOT INCLUDED."

ANYWAY, I WANT TO BRING OUTSOMEBODY WHO I KNOW...