DAMN, HOW'S EVERYBODY DOIN'?
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
HUH?
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
EVERYBODY ALL RIGHT?
THAT'S WHERE I'M FROM,
SOUTH PHILADELPHIA, 32nd AND
DICKERSON, THAT'S WHERE IT'S AT,
BABY!
YES.
A LOT OF Y'ALL LOOK LIKE,
"WHAT THE HELL, WE DON'T CARE,
JUST GET TO THE JOKES."
BUT I'M A TELL YOU SOMETHING
MAN, IT'S JUST A HARD TIME
SOMETIME, YOUNG FELLAS.
HARD SOMETIMES.
OUT WITH THIS GIRL RIGHT,
WE HANGING OUT.
HANGING OUT.
FIRST DAMN DATE, RIGHT?
WE WALKING.
YOU KNOW HOW EMBARRASSING IT
IS TO BE WALKING WITH A GIRL
ON A FIRST DATE AND SEE SOMEBODY
WITH THE SAME SHIRT AS YOU ON...
AND THEY HOMELESS?
[LAUGHTER]
AND I TRIED TO HURRY UP AND
SCOOT THE GIRL PAST BEFORE
SHE SEEN IT.
THE HOMELESS GUY GOT UP OUT OF
THE GARBAGE, "HA HA HA HA!
HA, WE GOT ON THE SAME SHIRT!"
[LAUGHTER]
I WANTED TO KICK HIM IN HIS
DAMN THROAT, MAN.
I CAN'T STAND THESE NEW YORK
HOMELESS GUYS MAN 'CAUSE
THEY'RE AGGRESSIVE, YOU KNOW
WHAT I'M SAYING?
THEY MESS WITH-- YOU CAN'T EVEN
TALK TO A GIRL.
I'M TALKING TO THIS ONE GIRL
RIGHT, OUT OF MY PERIPHERAL I
SEE A HOMELESS GUY WARMING UP.
HAAA!
[LAUGHTER]
HAAA!
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
OH, DAMN.
I GO THIS ONE HOMELESS GUY THAT
JUST COME AND LAND IN THE
VESTIBULE AREA OF MY APARTMENT
COMPLEX.
YA KNOW WHEN IT RAINS.
YOU EVER SMELL A WET BUM?
[LAUGHTER]
WHEN YOU SMELL A WET BUM,
IT STAY IN YOUR NOSE THE WHOLE
DAMN NIGHT.
IT'S LIKE A THING, IT JUST GO
RIGHT UP TO YOUR HEAD AND YOU
JUST CAN'T SHAKE IT.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, I CALL
THE COPS ON HIM RIGHT, BUT HE
WOULD LEAVE.
BUT EVEN WHEN HE WASN'T THERE,
HE WAS THERE!
[LAUGHTER]
'CAUSE HE WOULD LEAVE LIKE
NEWSPAPERS, UH CLIPS, POPCORN,
BUM DROPPINGS YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
TALKING ABOUT.
[LAUGHTER]
AND I CONFRONTED HIM THOUGH,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN,
I CONFRONTED THE BUM, I GOT SICK
OF HIS ASS AND I CONFRONTED HIM,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
HE LAYIN' THERE ASLEEP AND I
DIDN'T WANT TO TOUCH HIM 'CAUSE
HE WAS WET, SO I GOT A STICK.
[LAUGHTER]
AND I POKED HIS ASS, "HEY BUM."
I DIDN'T KNOW HIS DAMN NAME.
"BUM!"
HE GET MAD, GET UP, "MY NAME IS
SYLVESTER."
"I'M LIKE LOOK STINKY I DON'T
GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOU'RE NAME IS.
YOU GOT TO GO."
SO THIS SON OF A BITCH GET MAD
HE SWING, I WEAVE, HIT HIS ASS
RIGHT, HE STUMBLED BACK,
THIS SLICK SON OF BITCH REACHED
DOWN, GRAB HIS SOCK OFF,
SQUEEZED THE JUICE FROM HIS SOCK
AND THROW IT IN MY EYE!
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
THE OLDEST TRICK IN THE BOOK,
BUM JUICE IN THE EYE.
I SHOULD HAVE BEEN PREPARED
FOR THAT [BLEEP]!
NORMALLY WHEN I FIGHT A
HOMELESS GUY I WEAR GOGGLES
BUT THIS DAMN TIME, WHO KNEW.
HE WHOOPED MY ASS, TOO.
"SYLVESTER'S THE NAME!"