DAMN, HOW'S EVERYBODY DOIN'?

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

HUH?

THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

EVERYBODY ALL RIGHT?

THAT'S WHERE I'M FROM,

SOUTH PHILADELPHIA, 32nd AND

DICKERSON, THAT'S WHERE IT'S AT,

BABY!

YES.

A LOT OF Y'ALL LOOK LIKE,

"WHAT THE HELL, WE DON'T CARE,

JUST GET TO THE JOKES."

BUT I'M A TELL YOU SOMETHING

MAN, IT'S JUST A HARD TIME

SOMETIME, YOUNG FELLAS.

HARD SOMETIMES.

OUT WITH THIS GIRL RIGHT,

WE HANGING OUT.

HANGING OUT.

FIRST DAMN DATE, RIGHT?

WE WALKING.

YOU KNOW HOW EMBARRASSING IT

IS TO BE WALKING WITH A GIRL

ON A FIRST DATE AND SEE SOMEBODY

WITH THE SAME SHIRT AS YOU ON...

AND THEY HOMELESS?

[LAUGHTER]

AND I TRIED TO HURRY UP AND

SCOOT THE GIRL PAST BEFORE

SHE SEEN IT.

THE HOMELESS GUY GOT UP OUT OF

THE GARBAGE, "HA HA HA HA!

HA, WE GOT ON THE SAME SHIRT!"

[LAUGHTER]

I WANTED TO KICK HIM IN HIS

DAMN THROAT, MAN.

I CAN'T STAND THESE NEW YORK

HOMELESS GUYS MAN 'CAUSE

THEY'RE AGGRESSIVE, YOU KNOW

WHAT I'M SAYING?

THEY MESS WITH-- YOU CAN'T EVEN

TALK TO A GIRL.

I'M TALKING TO THIS ONE GIRL

RIGHT, OUT OF MY PERIPHERAL I

SEE A HOMELESS GUY WARMING UP.

HAAA!

[LAUGHTER]

HAAA!

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

OH, DAMN.

I GO THIS ONE HOMELESS GUY THAT

JUST COME AND LAND IN THE

VESTIBULE AREA OF MY APARTMENT

COMPLEX.

YA KNOW WHEN IT RAINS.

YOU EVER SMELL A WET BUM?

[LAUGHTER]

WHEN YOU SMELL A WET BUM,

IT STAY IN YOUR NOSE THE WHOLE

DAMN NIGHT.

IT'S LIKE A THING, IT JUST GO

RIGHT UP TO YOUR HEAD AND YOU

JUST CAN'T SHAKE IT.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, I CALL

THE COPS ON HIM RIGHT, BUT HE

WOULD LEAVE.

BUT EVEN WHEN HE WASN'T THERE,

HE WAS THERE!

[LAUGHTER]

'CAUSE HE WOULD LEAVE LIKE

NEWSPAPERS, UH CLIPS, POPCORN,

BUM DROPPINGS YOU KNOW WHAT I'M

TALKING ABOUT.

[LAUGHTER]

AND I CONFRONTED HIM THOUGH,

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN,

I CONFRONTED THE BUM, I GOT SICK

OF HIS ASS AND I CONFRONTED HIM,

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

HE LAYIN' THERE ASLEEP AND I

DIDN'T WANT TO TOUCH HIM 'CAUSE

HE WAS WET, SO I GOT A STICK.

[LAUGHTER]

AND I POKED HIS ASS, "HEY BUM."

I DIDN'T KNOW HIS DAMN NAME.

"BUM!"

HE GET MAD, GET UP, "MY NAME IS

SYLVESTER."

"I'M LIKE LOOK STINKY I DON'T

GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOU'RE NAME IS.

YOU GOT TO GO."

SO THIS SON OF A BITCH GET MAD

HE SWING, I WEAVE, HIT HIS ASS

RIGHT, HE STUMBLED BACK,

THIS SLICK SON OF BITCH REACHED

DOWN, GRAB HIS SOCK OFF,

SQUEEZED THE JUICE FROM HIS SOCK

AND THROW IT IN MY EYE!

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THE OLDEST TRICK IN THE BOOK,

BUM JUICE IN THE EYE.

I SHOULD HAVE BEEN PREPARED

FOR THAT [BLEEP]!

NORMALLY WHEN I FIGHT A

HOMELESS GUY I WEAR GOGGLES

BUT THIS DAMN TIME, WHO KNEW.

HE WHOOPED MY ASS, TOO.

"SYLVESTER'S THE NAME!"