Next up-- the war on Santa.
If you're watching this showwith your kids,
you're a great parent!Thank you!
And, also, sorry for allthe times I did this. Aah!
(applause and cheering)
before this next piece,here is a disclaimer.
MAN: Spoiler alert.
AUKERMAN:This is dance.
According to a new study,it's damaging
for parentsto lie to kids about Santa Claus
before Jesus' birthday.
Here's a fair and balanced takefrom Fox News.
MAN: They suggest that lying to children
could undermine their trust in parents,
as a result leaving them open to abject disappointment.
If parents can lie so convincingly
and over such a long time, what else can they lie about?
First of all, (bleep) you,(bleep) those kids.
This is all dumb.
Yeah, I love this.
Like, oh, don't lieto your kids, but go ahead
and keep getting your news froma totally biased news source.
-(cheers and applause)-Oh! -Wow!
Nope. Nope. I'm out.
-I'm out.-HARDWICK: You're in. You're in.
-Scott's out?-Aukerman out.
-Aukerman's in.-CARVEY: You know, uh...
(imitating Trump):This wasn't very nice, okay?
You're not very nice, okay?When's this on? Midnight?
-Why? Why? -HARDWICK: I don'tknow. -What a nasty man.
-What a nasty man. -It's noteven on at midnight.
Comedians, at this verysensitive time of year,
what else is triggering youabout Santa Claus?
-Scott Aukerman.-Now I don't believe it
when I hearanyone who's coming to down.
-HARDWICK: All right, points.-(laughter)
My uncle, Cavalia.
HARDWICK:Yeah, none of 'em.
-The I Loved The 90s Tour.-HARDWICK: Points.
-Chelsey Crisp.-I saw Mommy kissing him,
but he didn't have a beard,and he looked a lot
-like her Pilates instructor?-All right, points.
-(laughter, applause & cheering)-He was ripped!
-He was just ripped. Santa wasjacked. -Just (bleep) ripped.
-Dana. -I'm a vegan, but I eatreindeer meat out of spite.
HARDWICK: Yes. Points.Very good, very good.
-(laughter, applause)-You'll show them!