Lenny Clarke - Irish Catholic

  • Season 6, Ep 5
  • 05/19/2002
  • Views: 3,792

Lenny will never forget his third grade teacher, Sister Mary Triggerhappy. (3:35)

BEAUTIFUL TO WORK IN BUT--

I MEAN, EVERYONE HERE'S BEEN SO

NICE AND YOU PEOPLE ARE GREAT.

I'M NOT JUST SAYING THAT TO WIN

YOU OVER BUT BELIEVE ME I DID

A SHOW IN TEXAS THE OTHER NIGHT

IF I HAD A GRENADE I WOULD HAVE

JUST PULLED THE PIN AND LEAPED

IT RIGHT IN.

(LAUGHTER)

TRAVELING AROUND, AH,

IT'S PRETTY WILD, YOU KNOW,

BEING FROM BOSTON WITH MY

ACCENT.

AND THE FACT THAT I'M IRISH

CATHOLIC.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

WE GOT LOTS OF PROBLEMS,

YOU KNOW?

AND I MEET PEOPLE FROM ALL

AROUND, YOU KNOW 'CAUSE,

YOU KNOW, I LIVED IN LOS ANGELES

FOR ABOUT TEN YEARS, WHICH IS

NOW MEXICO.

AND I SAID TO MY FRIEND, "RAUL."

AH, I SAID...

(LAUGHTER)

"RAUL, WHY DID YOU COME HERE?"

AND HE SAID, "WE CAME FOR THE

AMERICAN DREAM.

I GO, "OH, YOU JUST MISSED IT."

(LAUGHTER)

BEAR WITH ME.

SEE, A LOT OF YOU UNDERSTAND

WHAT I'M SAYING.

SEE, MEXICAN PEOPLE ARE VERY,

VERY NICE PEOPLE.

LET'S FACE IT, THEY CAN RUN.

EVERYDAY, 20,000 AMERICANS

RUN ACROSS THE BORDER COME INTO

AMERICA, EVERY SINGLE DAY.

I MEAN, A MEXICAN WON THE BOSTON

MARATHON TWO YEARS AGO.

HE WASN'T EVEN IN THE RACE.

HE RUNNING DOWN THE STREET.

AND THEY PUT A WREATH ON HIM.

"YEAH!"

(LAUGHTER)

WE HAVE A VERY MIXED GROUP

OF PEOPLE FROM ALL DIFFERENT

COUNTRIES.

ALL AROUND THE WORLD.

AND SOME OF YOU--

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE LAUGHING

AND GIGGLING BUT YOU THINK,

"AM I MAKING FUN OF PEOPLE FROM

OTHER PLACES?

"NO.

WHAT ARE YOU NEW?"

C'MON.

I'M IRISH.

WAKE UP.

WHAT DO WE DO?

WHAT DO IRISH PEOPLE DO?

AUDIENCE>> DRINK.

LENNY CLARKE>> WE DRINK!

THAT'S IT.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

YEAH!

OH, GOD!

I MEAN, WE'RE GOOD AT IT

BUT, I MEAN, COME ON.

THERE'S NOT A LOT OF WORK

FOR DRINKING PEOPLE, YOU KNOW?

I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT.

AND DON'T THINK FOR ONE SECOND

THAT I THINK I'M BETTER THAN

ANYBODY ELSE HERE OR ANY PLACE

ELSE FOR THAT MATTER.

BECAUSE IRISH PEOPLE ARE NICE

PEOPLE, BUT NOT THE BRIGHTEST

ONES IN THE BUNCH.

LET'S FACE IT.

IRISH PEOPLE WERE NEARLY

WIPED OUT BY A POTATO FAMINE.

HOW STUPID DO YOU HAVE TO BE

TO NEARLY LOOSE YOUR ENTIRE RACE

TO A POTATO?

"OH, SEAN, THERE'S NO POTATOES.

WHAT WILL WE DO FOR MONEY?"

"I GOT AN IDEA, MOTHER."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

THANK YOU.

AND IT'S OFFENSIVE IF YOU TAKE

ME WRONG THAT YOU THINK I MAY

BE--

PLEASE DON'T FEEL THAT WAY.

AND IF YOU WANT ME TO BE BEATEN

FOR MISUNDERSTANDING BETWEEN US,

IT'S BEEN DONE.

I'M A VICTIM OF CHILD ABUSE.

THAT'S RIGHT, FOLKS.

I DID NINE YEARS IN A

CATHOLIC GRAMMAR SCHOOL WITH

NUNS.

(LAUGHTER)

NOW, SOME OF YOU CLAP BUT THOSE

OF YOU THAT DON'T KNOW WHAT NUNS

ARE, HOW CAN I EXPLAIN NUNS

BEST?

NUNS?

NUNS WERE SMALL FAT LITTLE WOMEN

WHO NEVER HAD SEX.

SO, THEY DRESS UP LIKE PENGUINS

AND BEAT THE HELL OUT OF A LOT

OF KIDS LIKE ME.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

I'LL NEVER FORGET MY 3rd GRADE

TEACHER SISTER MARY TRIGGER

HAPPY.

(LAUGHTER)

THERE WAS A MISERABLE,

BEAT ME TILL I BLEED AND BEAT ME

FOR BLEEDING, ALL IN THE NAME OF

CHRIST.

THEY TAUGHT ME LATIN.

I THOUGHT MAYBE I'LL MEET SOME

HOT LATIN CHICK LATER IN LIFE.

MEA CULPA, MEA CULPA.

YOU KNOW, THAT DOESN'T REALLY

WORK.

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