Adam Newman - Dogsitting Doogie Schnauzer

  • Season 3 , Ep 2
  • 07/27/2012
  • Views: 5,683

Adam Newman has to keep an eye on a dog that swallowed a plastic bag. (1:39)

SO I WAS DOGSITTING MY FRIEND'SDOG, DOOGIE SCHNAUZER.

HE GOES, "THE DOG'S YOURSIN THE MORNING,

BUT KEEP AN EYE OUT ON HIM.

EARLIER TODAY, HE GOT UNDERMY BED AND ATE A PLASTIC BAG."

SO THE NEXT DAY I TOOK THE DOGOUT FOR THE FIRST TIME.

HE DID HIS THINGON THE SIDEWALK,

AND I LOOKED DOWN AND SAWTHE DOG HAD A LITTLE TIP

OF A PLASTIC BAGCOMING OUT OF HIS BUTT.

AND SO ME AND THE DOGJUST SHARING A MOMENT,

LOOKING AT EACH OTHERON THE STREET.

AND HE'S LOOKING AT ME,

LIKE, HE KNOWSHE'S GOT A BAG INSIDE OF IT.

HE'S LIKE, "COME ON, MAN,WE'RE NOT DOING THIS.

I'M NOT EVEN YOUR DOG."

"WE MET YESTERDAY."

I GOT DOWN ON MY KNEESON THE STREET,

AND I LIFTED HIS TAILWITH THIS HAND,

VERY GENTLY GRABBED THE TIPOF THE PLASTIC BAG

WITH MY OTHER HAND,

AND STARTED SLOWLY PULLINGTHE BAG OUT OF THE DOG.

AND IT CAME OUT FAR ENOUGHTO WHERE IT WASN'T LIKE

A ZIP-LOC BAG THATTHIS DOG SWALLOWED.

AND IT CAME OUT FURTHER,

WHERE IT WASN'T A GROCERYSTORE BAG EITHER.

THIS DOG SWALLOWEDA TALL KITCHEN BAG,

AND IT HADN'T DIGESTEDANY OF IT.

SO I HAVE THIS ARM UP HEREWITH HIS TAIL,

A FULL ARM'S LENGTHOUT OF BAG HERE,

AND WHEN I LOOKED UP,

THIS CROWD OF PEOPLE HADGATHERED ACROSS THE STREET,

THEY'RE JUST WATCHING ME PULLTHE BAG OUT OF THE DOG.

AND THEY'RE ALL LOOKING AT MELIKE,

"THAT IS THE WORST STREETMAGICIAN WE HAVE EVER SEEN!"

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