Mary Lynn Rajskub - Rendered Pregnant

  • Season 1, Ep 6
  • 02/12/2010
  • Views: 15,081

Mary Lynn Rajskub's pregnancy was caused by a hot dog or a week of unprotected sex. (3:18)

I DON'T KNOW IF YOUKNOW THIS ABOUT ME

BUT I'M PRETTY HOT.

YEAH, AND I'M ALSO KIND OFAN INTERNATIONAL SUPERSTAR.

AND SOMETIMES THINGS HAPPENTO ME, YOU KNOW,

LIKE THE OTHER DAY,I WAS, UH, PREGNANT.

(laughter)

AND I WAS LIKE,WAIT A MINUTE, WHAT?

WHEN, WH--HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

AND THEN I JUST TRIEDTO GO BACK AND, UM,

PUT THE PIECES BACK TOGETHER,YOU KNOW?

AND ALL I COULD REMEMBERHOW IT HAPPENED

IS I WAS STANDING IN LINE ATPINK'S HOT DOGS IN LOS ANGELES,

AND IT WAS LATE AT NIGHT.(scattered cheers)

YEAH. WHOO!

UH, IT WAS LATE AT NIGHT,

THERE WAS A DARK FIGURENEXT TO ME,

THERE WAS DRINKING INVOLVED,OF COURSE.

AND SOMEONE SAID, "CHEESE,"AND I SAID, "YES."

AND SOMEONE SAID, "ONIONS,"AND I SAID, "YES."

AND SOMEONE SAID, "CHILI"AND I SAID, "HELL, YES."

AND THEN I ATE THAT HOT DOG.

THAT'S ALL I CAN THINKHAPPENED THAT...

IT MIXED WITH MY EGGS AND, LIKE,MADE A BABY OR SOMETHING,

I DON'T KNOW.

I GUESS IT WAS PROBABLYFROM THE UNPROTECTED SEX

I WAS HAVING WITH THE GUYI HAD BEEN DATING A WEEK.

I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY NOW.

YOU FEEL GREAT,YOU KNOW THE TRUTH?

(exhales sharply)THAT'S THE TRUTH.

THE FIRST THING I DID WASI WENT AND CLEANED THE KITCHEN

AND STARTED LOOKING THROUGHTHE YELLOW PAGES.

YES, THE YELLOW PAGES.

AND THEN I DECIDED IT WAS TIMETO CALL HIM.

HELLO, UH, MATT?

HI, IT'S MARY LYNN,YOUR GIRLFRIEND.

I HOPE IT'S NOT TOO SOONTO SAY THAT.

(laughter)

I DON'T WANT TO CROSSANY LINES.

SO, UH, ANYWAY,

DUE TO THE SEXUAL ACTIVITYWE HAD RECENTLY

I HAVE BEEN RENDERED PREGNANT,SO...

(laughter)

"UH...UH, N--

I--I PULLED OUT."

YEAH, NO, I KNOW, I KNOW,I JUST--

(rapidly) BUT YOUR SPERMREALLY WANTED TO GET

WITH MY EGGSAND MAKE A LITTLE BABY.

AND THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED!(laughter)

SO I GOT THAT OUT OF THE WAY.

AND THEN IT WAS TIMETO TELL MY PARENTS,

WHICH, YOU KNOW, WAS HARD

BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T KNOWI HAD A BOYFRIEND.

I DIDN'T REALLY KNOWI HAD A BOYFRIEND.

AND I...(laughter)

ALSO BECAUSE I TRY NOTTO TELL THEM STUFF.

'CAUSE I JUST--I DON'T WANT THE JUDGMENT,

YOU KNOW?I HAVEN'T GOT TIME FOR THAT.

SO I WAS, UM, HOME IN MICHIGANWHERE I'M FROM, VISITING,

AND, YOU KNOW, I JUST WAITEDTILL THE LAST POSSIBLE SECOND.

I'M ON MY WAYTO THE AIRPORT, RIGHT?

I GOT MY BACKPACK,MY THING.

(sighs)I JUST GOT TO DO IT.

SO I TURNED...

MOM? DAD?SOMETHING HAPPENED.

AND MY MOM JUST TURNED WHITE,AND MY DAD SIGHED

AND LOOKED FORWARDAT THE TELEVISION.

THAT'S HOW I KNEW THEY WEREREALLY PAYING ATTENTION.

(laughter)

AND I SAID,"UH, I'M PREGNANT."

AND MY MOM, YOU GUYS, JUMPEDUP AND GAVE ME A HUGE HUG.

AND I WAS LIKE,"WHAT THE--YOU'RE NOT MAD?"

AND SHE WAS LIKE,"NO, I'M DELIGHTED.

"I DIDN'T KNOWYOU WERE GONNA HAVE KIDS,

AND I DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE,AND I'M SO HAPPY THAT YOU ARE."

AND THAT'S WHEN I REALIZEDTHAT I'M 37 YEARS OLD.

(laughter)

I'M NOT 16 AND I CAN DOWHATEVER I WANT WITH MY LIFE.

(laughter)

Loading...