Dat Phan - Vietnam War

  • Season 8 , Ep 2
  • 01/29/2004
  • Views: 13,625

Dat's mom thinks there are land mines in the supermarket. (1:39)

LIKE THAT.

I TRY TO FOLLOW UP WITH WHAT'S

ON WITH THE NEWS, YOU KNOW?

AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S--

I TRY TO WATCH LIKE WHAT'S GOING

ON.

IS THE WAR OVER, OVER THERE?

IS IT OVER?

VIETNAM, IS IT OVER?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU KNOW, IT'S SO FUNNY.

LIKE MY MOM'S, SHE'S SO

PARANOID.

SHE'S SO PARANOID ABOUT

THE VIETNAM WAR, YOU KNOW?

SHE REALLY IS, SERIOUSLY.

LIKE SHE WOULDN'T LET ME PLAY

ON THE GRASS WHEN I WAS A KID.

SHE WAS LIKE, "DAT PHAN, YOU

DON'T PLAY ON--

THERE'S LANDMINES OUT THERE.

THERE'S LANDMINES ALL OVER

THE SUPERMARKET.

I KNOW IT."

JUST ONCE I WANNA GO,

"MOM, SPRINKLERS, SPRINKLERS.

[LAUGHTER]

SPRINKLERS ALL OVER

THE SUPERMARKET."

I WANNA PLAY A JOKE ON HER,

YOU KNOW?

'CAUSE SHE SAYS THE FUNNIEST

THINGS WHEN I PLAY LIKE--

"MOM, SPRINKLERS.

THESE ARE THE REAL LANDMINES."

"OH, NO.

DAT PHAN, YOU JOKE NOW YOU

GIVE ME TWO HEART ATTACK."

WHAT THE HELL IS TWO HEART

ATTACKS?

"HA-HA, TWO FOR ONE.

TWO HEART ATTACK FOR THE PRICE

OF ONE.

ORDER NOW.

DOUBLE COUPON."

[LAUGHTER]

I DATED THIS ONE GIRL AND

HER DAD WAS A VIETNAM VET.

YOU KNOW HOW SCARY THAT IS...

[LAUGHTER]

FOR ME?

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

I'M PICKING UP HIS DAUGHTER.

HE'S ALL LIKE, "WHAT'S YOUR

NAME, SON?"

I'M LIKE, "UH, CHARLIE.

I MEAN, DAT PHAN.

[LAUGHTER]

SORRY.

I LOVE YOUR DAUGHTER, M.I.A.

I MEAN, MIA, MIA.

AARGH!

[LAUGHTER]

SHE'S TELLING ME HOW YOU'RE

THE BOMB.

OH, THERE'S ANOTHER ONE.

AARGH."

I HAD THIS GUY COME UP TO ME,

RIGHT?

AND HE'S ALL LIKE,

"YOU'RE VIETNAMESE, AREN'T YOU?

THANKS TO YOU A LOT OF PEOPLE

WERE KILLED IN VIETNAM."

I WAS LIKE, "HEY, MAN, I WOULD

HAVE HELPED THE AMERICANS OUT.

EXCEPT AT THE TIME I WAS

A FETUS!"

[LAUGHTER]

ALL I KNOW ABOUT VIETNAM IS THAT

ROBIN WILLIAMS WAS A DJ OVER

THERE.

THAT'S ALL I KNOW.

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