Jeff Dunham - Achmed the Terrorist Skeleton

Jeff Dunham: Spark of Insanity Season 1, Ep 1 09/23/2007 Views: 812,789

Mustard gas is nothing compared to a Walter fart. (3:00)

Jeff: SO, ACHMED,

IF YOU'RE A TERRORIST,

I WOULD SUPPOSE YOU HAVE

SOME SORT OF SPECIALTY.

Achmed: YES, I AM

A SUICIDE BOMBER.

Jeff: AH.

SO YOU'RE FINISHED ?

Achmed: WHAT ?

Jeff: YOU'VE DONE YOUR JOB.

Achmed: NO, I HAVEN'T.

Jeff: BUT YOU'RE DEAD.

Achmed: NO, I'M NOT.

I FEEL FINE.

Jeff: BUT YOU'RE ALL BONE.

Achmed: IT'S A FLESH WOUND.

SILENCE !

I KILL YOU !

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED

TO MY FEET ?

SON OF A BITCH, WHAT THE HELL ?

OH, WAIT A MINUTE,

WHAT THE HELL,

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

STOP IT !

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

STOP TOUCHING ME !

I KILL YOU !

Jeff: ALL RIGHT, JUST HOLD ON.

WE'LL FIX THIS.

OKAY, WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

HOLY CRAP, I'M IN THE AIR.

WAIT, WAIT.

WAIT, SOMETHING IS BACKWARDS,

HOLY CRAP.

I NEED SOME LIGAMENTS !

Jeff: JUST SIT STILL.

Achmed: OKAY.

I WILL NOT MOVE MY ASS.

Walter: YOU IDIOT,

YOU DON'T HAVE AN ASS !

Achmed: IS THAT WALTER ?

Jeff: YES.

Achmed: HE SCARES

THE CRAP OUT OF ME !

PLEASE DO NOT PUT ME BACK

IN THE SAME SUITCASE !

Jeff: WHY ?

Achmed: HE HAS GAS.

SADDAM'S MUSTARD GAS WAS NOTHING

COMPARED TO A WALTER FART !

( Walter laughing )

Achmed: IT'S NOT FUNNY !

HE WILL KILL US !

Jeff: ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, ACHMED,

I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.

Achmed: WHAT ?

Jeff: YOU REALLY ARE DEAD.

Achmed: ARE YOU SURE ?

Jeff: YES.

Achmed: I JUST GOT MY FLU SHOT !

Jeff: YOU REALLY ARE DEAD.

Achmed: WAIT, IF I'M DEAD,

THAT MEANS I GET MY 72 VIRGINS !

ARE YOU MY VIRGINS ?

I HOPE NOT !

Jeff: WHY ?

Achmed: THERE'S A BUNCH OF

UGLY-ASS GUYS OUT THERE.

IF THIS IS PARADISE,

I'VE BEEN SCREWED !

Jeff: WELL, DID THEY SAY IT

WOULD BE ONLY FEMALE VIRGINS ?

Achmed: HOLY CRAP !

WAIT, I COULD HAVE CLAY AIKEN !

( mocking laughter )

I TOLD A JOKE !