Christopher Titus - The U.S. Government

Christopher Titus: The 5th Annual End of the World Tour Season 1, Ep 101 03/17/2007 Views: 10,003

Love him or hate him, President Bush has had the toughest presidency since Lincoln. (1:28)

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OUR GOVERNMENT WENT BACKTO WORK ON EASTER SUNDAY

TO DEAL WITH THE TERRI SCHIAVO DEBACLE?

WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR GOVERNMENT?

AND OUR PRESIDENT BY THE WAY, LIKE HIM OR HATE HIM

YOU HAVE TO ADMIT, PRESIDENT BUSH HAS HAD

THE TOUGHEST PRESIDENCYSINCE LINCOLN.

THIS MAN HAS GOT TOOPEN THE PAPER EVERYDAYAND JUST GO, [BLEEP!]

[LAUGHTER]

- AHHH!" - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND NOW WE'RE SPENDING $400 BILLION ON A WAR TO HELP IRAQ

AND THE IRAQIS SEEM SO APPRECIATIVE, DON'T THEY?

HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT TO KIDS?WELL, HONEY, IN SOME CULTURES

BLOWING UP INNOCENT PEOPLE WITH A PINTO MEANS"THANKS FOR THE FREEDOM."

FOUR HUNDRED BILLION, WE HUNG ONE GUY.

CAN WE JUST SEND SADDAM A MAD COW BURGER AND A PAXIL

AND BEEN DONE WITH IT AND LIKE OWED THREE?

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS, WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

FOUR HUNDRED BILLION, WE NEED TO SPEND THAT MONEY HERE.

EXCEPT YOU CAN'T TRUST ANYBODY HERE, EITHER.

TWO WEEKS AGO IN L.A. AT A STOP SIGN I WAS ASKED

FOR A DOLLAR BY A HOMELESS 22 YEAR-OLD VIETNAM VETERAN.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I WAS LIKE, "YEAH, MAN, HERE'S A BUCK.

I KNOW DANANG WAS WHACK." AND THEN HE SKATEBOARDED OFF.

IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD.