Morgan Murphy - New York City Smell

New York Comedy Festival Season 1, Ep 0101 01/11/2011 Views: 26,248

There are no stray dogs in New York City; people are causing the omnipresent s**t smell. (1:53)

-Good idea to rifflive on the internet.

I don't know.

Let's talk.

I live here in New York.

This is exciting.

I live here in New York.

I like it here a little bit.

I moved here like a year anda half ago from Los Angeles.

And people are like, oh, is itthe best, is it the greatest?

You're supposed to,like, love it, right?

It's like, yeah, it's the BigApple, and if you can dance,

you can do things here.

I don't know how the song goes.

But I [audio out]it's not-- it's fine.

Right?

It's a fine-- it's fine--at best, it's fine.

It's very expensive, andit smells like [audio out].

It's expensive, and itsmells like [audio out],

and that's it, really.

I'm not trying to dump onthe city, but that's it.

It's like, I moved here,and I'm like, all right,

this is going to happen.

And then you spend so muchmoney a month on your apartment,

that you just block yourselfout when you write your check.

You're like, Idon't even know what

this is, it's a comical amount.

This is like I can'teven look at it.

And then you walkoutside, and you

go, oh, it smellslike [audio out].

And I don't mean, like-- Idon't mean it smells bad.

I mean, that-- [audio out]is the smell. [audio out]

is the name of the smell.

Like, oh, it smellslike [audio out] here.

What do you mean?Like, it smells bad?

No, [audio out] iswhat it smells like.

And then you want to grabpeople on the subway sometimes.

Like, every time I'mon the subway platform

and it smells like [audio out],I want to grab someone.

I just want to hold themby the collar and go,

guess why it smellslike [audio out] here.

Guess why.

Right?

And right as they'restaring back at me,

just go, cause a person[audio out] here.

A person did.

There's no straydogs in this city.

A human being was like, yeah,this is right, right there.

It's a good place.

Not even a [audio out] homelessguy, just a businessman.

Like, I'm not waiting.

I'm not waiting [audio out].

Otherwise, it's great.

Otherwise, great town.

[music playing]