Joe List - A One-Night Stand Gone Wrong

Joe List Season 4, Ep 10 10/24/2015 Views: 1,887

During a one-night stand, Joe List is startled to find out that the woman he's with is way too aggressive for his taste. (1:57)

One time I had sex with a woman,and, uh, she was, like, very...

I was singleand drinking at the time.

She was very aggressive,this girl.

It was, like, a one-night stand.

She, like, threw medown on the bed,

which I was kind of into and...

but then she goton top and, uh,

we started to make loveor whatever,

and it got really aggressive.

She just startedbouncing wildly.

No rhythm;just like a herky-jerky...

(laughter)

It was like she was ridinga bike with a flat tire.

I was like...

I was like, "Just pick upthe bike and run with it!"

Then it got more aggressive.

She started shoving my shoulders

into the bed really hard.

And then she startedcalling me a nerd.

She was like, "Yeah, you nerd!

You like that, you nerd?!"

I was like, "I don't like that!

"You're hurting my shoulders.

"And my feelings, also!

"Also, I'm not really a nerd.

"I just have bad eyesight.

"You're being very judgmental,all right?

"I understandI'm wearing glasses,

"but I'm a very good athlete

and-and I'm bad at mathand I hate sci-fi."

Also, I'm getting laidright now.

That's not very nerdy, is it?

It's pretty cool if you ask me.

(cheering)

Yeah, thank you.

Then she was like,"Shut up, you bitch!"

She started choking me.

It's true.

If you're into choking,that's cool.

I'm not here to judge.

But you can't choke the firsttime you have sex with somebody.

I don't...You might be murdering me.

I have no idea who you are.

We didn't go over a safe word,so I just started guessing.

I was like, "Chocolate chips,Advil... pennies.

Please get off of me."

I guess that was her fetishwas to have sex with a nerd.

But she didn't run it by mebeforehand, you know?

In order for fetish sexto take place,

both parties haveto sign off on it, you know?

Like, I like high heelsduring sex.

But if the girl's not into it,I won't put them on.

You know what I mean?It's, uh...

I... That's just for the kids,that one.

That's a nice, silly,very silly...