Okay, the Grammy nominationswere announced today,
and leading the packwith nine nods is
the luminous, perfect, sun-madehuman on earth, Beyoncé!
This is very great newsfor music fans,
and also late-night comedyshow hosts
who can counton an audience going nuts
every timethey hear the word "Beyoncé."
-Beyoncé. See?-(cheers and applause)
The fact that Bae got top honorswas a big "No, duh!"
But there were... there weresome surprises in the mix,
like the fact thatthe Suicide Squad soundtrack
-got three nominations,suggesting that a... -(cheering)
-Uh, I don't know. Uh...-(laughter)
This might suggest thatGrammy voters are 19-year-old
Piercing Pagoda employees who...
"Don't have to call you 'Dad'just 'cause you married my mom,
Thom with an 'H.'"
-(laughter)-"Or is it 'Thom?'
You don't own me!"
Also a surprise wasa nomination from
the streaming-only release Coloring Book
-from Chance the Rapper,who's... -(cheers and applause)
Yeah. Oh,you like Chance the Rapper.
Very... way more successful
than his twin brother,Chance, the DMV Employee.
This is a very progressive movefor the Grammys.
So, comedians, nowthat CDs are just those things
that Dad keeps in his Prius,and records
are those things that hipsterscollect in lieu of having
a personality,what are some more...?
I'm gonna get (bleep) railedfor that.
You know, vinyl istechnically better than...
Yeah, I know, it's fine.Records are fine.
-(bleep) off. Uh...-(laughter)
What are some more updated,modern Grammys categories?
Best white girl acoustic guitarversion of Rihanna songs.
-HARDWICK: Yeah, yeah. Points.-(laughter)
-Points. Sung in a coffeehouse.-(applause)
-Sam Morril.-A reverse
in memoriam for rappersstill alive over 40.
-(laughter) -HARDWICK: Yeah.That's a great idea. Points.
-(applause)-Very good. Very good.
The Sting award
for annoying musicianyour mom wants to (bleep).