Adam Ray - Terrible Tattoos

Stunt Audition Season 1, Ep 6 12/06/2013 Views: 1,074

Adam Ray knows that men and women get tattoos for very different reasons. (1:48)

- YEAH.

WHAT, UH,WHAT A PARTY, RIGHT?

[audience cheers]IT'S THE BEST.

THIS IS MY SCENE,QUITE HONESTLY.

LIKE, I GOT DRAGGED TO A CLUBA FEW NIGHTS AGO.

I'M JUST NOT A BIG CLUB GUYIN GENERAL.

I'M NEVER PREPARED,THAT'S MY PROBLEM.

I NEVER HAVE ENOUGH MONEY,RIGHT?

I NEVER HAVE ENOUGH DRAGONSON MY SHIRT, AND--

[laughs]RIGHT?

SOME PEOPLE GET DRUNKAND GET TATTOOS.

I DON'T JUDGE,'CAUSE I WANT A TATTOO.

I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT I'D GET,THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

YOU GOTTA HAVEA GAME PLAN.

YOU KNOW, THAT'S GONNABE WITH YOU FOREVER.

I'D PROBABLY GET SOMETHINGNOBODY HAS, ORIGINAL.

I'D WANT TO MAKE SURE I DO THAT.YOU KNOW, MAYBE LIKE THE--

LIKE, THE CAST OF SPACE JAMON MY CHEST, OR SOMETHING.

THAT'S--PRETTY SURE NOBODY'S GOTPATRICK EWING'S BEST WORK.

GIRLS KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOINGWITH TATTOOS, RIGHT?

THERE'S NOT ONE GIRLWITH A TATTOO

THAT DOESN'T COMEWITH SOME DEEP, YOU KNOW,

SPECIAL MESSAGE BEHIND IT.YOU KNOW,

I HAVE A TATTOOOF TWO HUMMINGBIRDS

SPOONINGINSIDE OF A FLOWER

WITH A BUNCHOF JAPANESE LETTERING ABOVE IT,

AND IT MEANS"AFTER YOU WEATHER THE STORM,

THE SPIRIT OF THE HEARTSTAYS TRUE."

SO IT'S SOMETHINGTHAT MY--

SOMETHING MY MOM TOLD MEWHEN I WAS YOUNGER,

AND I STILL BELIEVE IN IT.

I STILL BELIEVE IN IT.I DON'T KNOW.

GUYS GET TATTOOS

FOR A COMPLETELYDIFFERENT REASON, RIGHT?

'CAUSE IT'S DOPE.

GOT IT 'CAUSE IT'S DOPE, BRO.RIGHT?

"'CAUSE IT'S DOPE" IS WHYYOU SEE TATTOOS OF, LIKE,

LADY LIBERTY HOLDINGAN AK-47.

YOU KNOW, OR A TATTOO OF, LIKE,BIGFOOT GOING DOWN ON A MERMAID.

RIGHT?THERE'S NO BACK STORY.

THERE'S NO BACK STORYWITH THAT.

IT WOULD BE GREAT IF THERE WAS,LIKE, SOME DEEP STORY, RIGHT?

YOU'RE JUST LIKE,"DUDE, THAT'S HILARIOUS.

HOW DRUNK WERE YOU?""NO, ACTUALLY,

"NO, DO YOU WANT TO KNOWWHY I GOT IT?

"WELL, WHEN I WAS SIX,I WENT CAMPING WITH MY DAD,

"AND WE SAW BIGFOOT, AND HE WASGOING DOWN ON A MERMAID,

"AND--AND MY DAD PASSED AWAYTWO YEARS LATER.

"I JUST GOT IT TO REMIND ME.I MEAN, IT'S STUPID.

IT'S--I DON'T KNOW.IT'S--IT'S STUPID."