Chris D'Elia - Falling Asleep in Church Pt. 2

Chris D'Elia: White Male. Black Comic. Season 1, Ep 101 11/20/2013 Views: 15,226

Chris D'Elia thinks that the collection basket pole at church is almost as ridiculous as the pepper grinder at Olive Garden. (1:27)

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SAME DUDE WAKES ME UP ALWAYS.

IT'S THE DUDEWITH THE COLLECTION PLATE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

RIGHT, THAT BASKETWITH THE POLE ATTACHED TO IT.

YO, YOU NEVER NEED TO ATTACHA POLE TO A BASKET, EVER.

JUST PASS THE BASKET AROUND.

THAT GUY'S JOB IS UNNECESSARY,MAN.

I'LL BE ASLEEP,AND HE'LL JUST...

[ LAUGHTER ]

"HERE.OH, THAT WAS $100.

GIVE IT BACK.THAT WAS $100."

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES ]

I HATE HOW LONG THAT POLE IS.IT BOTHERS ME, MAN.

YOU -- DUDE, YOU CAN'T EVEN SEETHE DUDE HOLDING IT.

THAT'S HOW LONG.YOU NEED BINOCULARS.

THE DUDE'S OUT IN THE PARKINGLOT WITH THE HANDLE, JUST...

[ VOCALIZING SPIRITUALLY ]

[ LAUGHTER ]

THAT POLE IS SO LONG,IT'S LONGER

THAN THE PEPPER CRUSHERAT OLIVE GARDEN, YOU KNOW?

AND THAT'S LONG.

YOU KNOW WHEN THE BUSBOYCOMES ALONG,

HE'S LIKE, "EXCUSE ME, SIR.

YOU WANT FRESH GROUND PEPPER?YEAH? SAY WHEN."

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ APPLAUSE ]

YEAH, IT DOESN'T EVEN LOOK LIKETHEY'RE CRUSHING PEPPER.

IT LOOKS LIKETHEY'RE JERKING TWO DUDES OFF.

[ LAUGHS ]

AND ONE'S EXTRA SMALL.[ LAUGHS ]

"HERE WE GO."

WE GOT A MIDGET ANDA BASKETBALL PLAYER RIGHT THERE.

THERE WE GO -- A MIDGETAND YAO MING ALL OVER MY FACE.

[ VOCALIZING SPIRITUALLY ]

NEW ORLEANS, THANK YOU SO MUCH!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]