Brian Posehn - Cat Sex

  • Season 6 , Ep 8
  • 06/09/2002
  • Views: 8,105

Brian Posehn can have sex with cats any time he wants. (2:19)

TO MEET GIRLS AND IT'S NOT A

GOOD PLACE.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW BUT THE

INTERNET IS FULL A CREEPS.

AND, UH, I MET THIS GIRL

IN A CHAT ROOM OR SO SHE SAID.

IT'S PROBABLY SOME GIANT DUDE.

SO WE'RE TALKING AND SHE WANTS

TO HAVE CYBERSEX, WHICH IF YOU

DON'T KNOW WHAT CYBERSEX IS,

IT'S LIKE PHONE SEX BUT WITH THE

KEYBOARD IT'S JUST THE NEW LEVEL

OF SAD.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE SITTING THERE

WORKING IT WITH ONE HAND TYPING,

"WHAT ARE YOU WEARING LADY?"

IT'S PATHETIC.

PATHETIC FOR THE NEW MILLENNIUM.

SO THIS GIRL, HER NAME WAS

"CYBERCAT 72."

IT WAS HER SCREEN NAME,

'CAUSE I GUESS THERE WERE

71 OTHER CYBERCATS.

(LAUGHTER)

SO WE MEET AND SHE WANTS TO HAVE

CYBERSEX AND I'M LIKE

"ALL RIGHT.

I'LL TRY ANYTHING ONCE."

SO WE GO INTO THIS CHAT ROOM

ALONE AND WE'RE IN THERE

AND SHE STARTS TO HAVE CYBERSEX,

BUT SHE'S DOING IT LIKE A CAT.

WHICH 'CAUSE OF HER SCREEN NAME,

WHICH IS WEIRD, STARTS OFF

AND I'M KIND OF ALL RIGHT

WITH IT SHE'S LIKE I'M RUBBING

AGAINST YOUR LEG, PURRRR."

AND I WAS LIKE "THAT'S ALL

RIGHT.

I LIKE MY LEG RUBBED, NEXT,

BRING IT..."

(LAUGHTER)

AND SHE'S LIKE, "I'M CLIMBING

INTO YOUR LAP, PURRR."

I'M LIKE, WHO DOESN'T LIKE

SOMEBODY IN THEIR LAP?

I'VE PAID FOR IT A BUNCH.

SO, UH, WHAT'S NEXT?

THEN SHE'S LIKE "I'M LIFTING

MY TAIL SO YOU CAN SEE MY CUTE

LITTLE PINK BUTT HOLE."

I'M LIKE "NO!"

AND SHE'S LIKE "I'M LICKING

YOUR AREA WITH MY SAND PAPERY

TONGUE."

I'M LIKE "NO!"

I WAS HORRIFIED, 'CAUSE THAT'S

NOT MY FANTASY.

TO HAVE SEX WITH A CAT,

THAT'S OBVIOUSLY HER DEAL,

SHE WANTS TO BE A CAT AND HAVE

SEX WITH A DUDE AND THAT'S ALL

RIGHT.

BUT THAT'S NOT MY FANTASY.

I DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX

WITH A CAT, I'VE GOT THREE CATS.

I MEAN, I COULD MAKE THAT HAPPEN

IF I WANTED TO.

I'M BIG.

THEY'RE LITTLE.

I CAN SHUT DOORS.

YOU KNOW, BOX 'EM IN.

BUT I'M NOT GONNA, SO DON'T

WRITE LETTERS.

(LAUGHTER)

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