Chris Hardwick - Commercials in the South

  • Season 1 , Ep 2
  • 10/16/2012
  • Views: 6,610

Chris Hardwick believes the South has the best local commercials of anywhere in the world. (1:18)

OF ANYWHERE IN THE COUNTRY.

I WILL PUT THE SOUTH UP AGAINSTANYWHERE ELSE IN THE WORLD,

INCLUDING RUSSIA,FOR THE BEST LOCAL COMMERCIALS.

EVERY SOUTHERN TOWN HAS SOMEKIND OF AN APPLIANCE GUY

OR USED CAR SALESMAN

WHO TRIES TO SELL YOU STUFFUNDER THE PLATFORM

THAT HE IS CRAZY.

AND THEY SPEND MORE TIME TRYINGTO TELL YOU THEY'RE CRAZY

THAN TELL YOU ABOUTTHEIR PRODUCT.

THERE THEY AREAT 3:00 IN THE MORNING--

"COME ON DOWNTO CRAZY ROSCOES

"WHERE YOU WILL NOT FINDLOWER PRICES,

"'CAUSE I AM CLINICALLYINSANE! WHOO!

"IN 1953, I WAS TOUCHEDBY MY UNCLE JIM BOB,

AND THAT MEANS SAVINGSFOR YOU!"

[laughter]

"WHY, IF I HAD THE COURAGE,I WOULD SLASH MY OWN WRISTS,

"BUT SINCE I DO NOT,I AM SLASH, SLASH, SLASHING

"MY PRICES ON HAMILTON BEACH3-SPEED ELECTRIC BLENDERS!

"SAY, I'VE SMEARED MY OWN[bleep] ON A VARIETY OF ITEMS.

"INQUIRE ABOUTMY BROWN TAG SALE!

"IF YOU COME IN, I ADVISE YOUTO STAY AWAY FROM ME,

"BECAUSE I MAY BEDRIFTING INTO

"THE SHADOWY RECESSESOF MY CONSCIOUSNESS

"AND MAY START ASSEMBLING WORDSTHAT DON'T BELONG TOGETHER.

SHINY PUMPKINS[bleep] MY EYE HOLES!"

[applause]

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