Tommy Johnagin - My Little Sister

  • Season 2 , Ep 3
  • 04/07/2011
  • Views: 11,707

Tommy Johnagin's sister got so drunk she went home with a guy. That's what you do in your 20s, if you're good at it. (1:24)

I KNOW HOW MUCHYOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DRINK.

I HAVE A LITTLE SISTER,GREAT PERSON,

NO IDEA WHAT HER LEVELS ARE.

SHE DRANK SO MUCH LAST YEAR,SHE WAS REPORTED MISSING.

I SWEAR TO GOD.SHE'S ALL RIGHT NOW.

THAT WOULD BE WEIRDIF I WAS LIKE,

"AND IF YOU'VE SEEN HER..."

(laughter)

"E-MAIL ME OR WHATEVER.

I'VE GOT HER PHONE CHARGER."

SHE WENT HOME WITH A GUY.THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED.

THAT'S THE TRUTH.

HER PHONE DIED,AND SHE WENT HOME WITH A GUY.

THAT'S WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU'REIN YOUR 20s AND 30s

AND 40s IF YOU'RE GOOD AT IT.

SHE WENT HOME WITH A GUY,BUT MY MOM PANICKED

'CAUSE SHE HADN'T HEARDFROM HER IN HOURS

AND SHE CALLED THE COPS,AND THE COPS WERE LOOKING

FOR MY SISTER, AND THEY STARTEDQUESTIONING PEOPLE

AND THEY FIND OUTWHERE SHE WAS.

THEY DON'T JUST DROPTHE CASE RIGHT THEN.

IT'S 4:00 IN THE MORNING.

THEY GO TO THE GUY'S HOUSE,AND KNOCK ON THE DOOR,

AND THEY'RE LIKE,"DO YOU KNOW WHERE SHE'S AT?"

AND HE'S LIKE, "YEAH,SHE'S RIGHT HERE."

THEN THEY TAKE HERAND PUT HER IN THE COP CAR,

AND THEY LEAVE,AND SHE WAS ALL RIGHT.

THAT'S THE GOOD NEWS.

THE EVEN BETTER NEWSIS THAT I'VE HAD A FEW

ONE-NIGHT STANDS IN MY DAY,

AND I REMEMBER WAKING UPTHINKING, "HOW AM I GONNA GET

THIS BROAD OUTTA MY HOUSE?"

(laughter)

THE COPSWILL DO THAT FOR YOU?

IF YOU PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT,

YOUR TAX DOLLARSWILL TAKE CARE OF IT.

CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW FASTHE WENT FROM CONFUSED TO HAPPY?

HE'S LIKE, "YOU CAN'T BARGE--YOU'RE COOL.

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