I have a daughter.
It's cool, I guess,to some degree.
She plays sports, but...
she plays soccer.
- Really, whoo?
13-year-old girls' soccer, dude?
Do you know how boring13-year-old girls' soccer is?
The same exact boring asadult men's professional soccer.
Three hoursfor 0-0 scores.
But you got to support.
I show up for the lastfive minutes of the game,
and I run up, and I'm like,
"All right, I'm here.Don't be a whore.
"You don't haveto blow everybody.
"I'm here, I love you.
You shouldn't feel abandoned."
"Give you some money, I'll helpyou with your homework.
"Just, please,don't blow everybody.
But, God, I can't watchthis whole game."
Life and the world would bean easier place
if she was a boy, man.
Girls make fathers' livesvery difficult
with thingsthey don't even know.
They don't even realizethey're making it difficult.
Can't do laundry anymorewith my daughter's stuff.
It's just uncomfortable.
Looking how I look and foldinglittle-girl underwear
does not appearas if I'm doing a good deed.
It looks like I'm, like,
organizing the trophiesfrom all my victims.
"Ah, I remember her.
Pigtails, Central Park."
Sometimes it's the first timeI hear it too.